Another young life taken too early...

I just found out that today while all teachers were enjoying a taco lunch, a senior was shot on killed while on his way home. It is still unclear whether he was involved in the shoot-out or whether he was an innocent bystander but he is no longer with us. He was set to graduate in 3 weeks; the same graduation that I will be sitting through; the same graduation that C. Jones should have been at but he is also in heaven.

After receiving the news, I then read another article...

http://www.insidebayarea.com/ci_18131550?source=most_viewed

Mixed emotions...mixed feelings....again confirms just how important the work I am doing really is...

You would be proud of me?

A 12th grade student who should be walking the stage June 17th, but will not due to failing his classes said something that will stick in my heart for a long time to come. We were having a conversation as he expressed he was just going to drop out; it went like this:

Me: Do you know what life may be like without a high school diploma? Your options are limited but with a diploma you will have choices.

Student: I am just thinking it is better to drop out.

Me: I don't think you fully understand how excited I get when I think about you and the other students graduating. I imagine you walking the stage, shaking our principal's hand and I get tears in my eyes. I will be in the stands with signs, blow horns, and balloons but more than anything, I stand proud. I will be SO proud of you when you cross that stage.

Student: You would be proud of me?

Me: It would be one of my proudest moments as a teacher. And, I would know that you would leave our school with options. With those options, I know you will be successful. You are capable of so much, but it requires a high school diploma.

Student: You would really be proud of me?

Me: Do you see these tears? (I was crying at this point)...It is because I care so much about you and your future. When your graduation comes, I will be nothing but proud. Believe it-dream of it and picture it because you can do it. It is in your grasp.

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It was one of those conversations that touched me for a couple of reasons...

1) Reminded me just how much I care for these young people.

2) Reminded me that they don't regularly get told they are loved or that people are proud of them. They "want" that affirmation and need it to keep a perspective on life.

Everyone needs to be told they are loved. Everyone needs to be reaffirmed once and awhile. None of us are exempt...it just so happens that the students I work with rarely get told it.

I can't wait for June 17th. I can't wait to see my students, some of the most "at risk" students in Oakland both for where they live and their disability, walk the stage. They are capable of greatness and on June 17th I will be the proudest teacher in the world. I can guarantee that.

Full of smiles...

After what proved to be a challenging week, Friday brought a couple of milestones that will forever remain in my heart and reinvigorate my enthusiasm for why I teach what I do and where I do...

First, last week was "Teacher Appreciation Week" and as a writing assignment in English, the students were instructed to write a letter to the teacher of their choice, but it couldn't be me to appreciate them for the work they do. We worked on it Monday, Wednesday and the final draft was to be written Friday and delivered to the teachers. Well, 3 of my students walked in Friday with 2 letters-one to another teacher and one to me. The 3 letters written to me inspired me to continue working hard to impact not only these student's lives, but their academic achievement. Just a couple sentences from the letters:

"I feel safe in your classroom"

"I like to kick it with you and you give good advice. Thanks for the time you take to teach me reading-it is paying off."

"I know you want me to be the best student, learner and person humanely possible. I am going to try to be that person for you and for myself."

"You are a great teacher with a strict way of putting things, but I respect that."

All 3 letters brought tears to my eyes. It is proof that I am making a difference and at times, I doubt myself.

The second INCREDIBLE news that I received after school on Friday is that 2 of my students passed parts of the CAHSEE (California Exit Exam). Now, I know this might not sound like a big deal but my students typically are not in the range to feasibly pass this test. But, two young men did. One passed the math section and one passed the English test. I am SO proud of these two students and it brought a huge smile to my face all weekend to think just how much this means to the students. Forget the fact that it means I am teaching....this means THE WORLD to the students, for them to feel "normal" within the school, for them to feel that they can in fact learn at the same pace of their peers and that they are capable. I didn't get the chance to tell the students on Friday, but was able to call home and spoke to one father who was just gleaming over the phone. I can't wait to see the students tomorrow and give them a HUGE hug-it makes me smile just to think about it.

So, upward and onward....I think there are 6 weeks left in the school year---never too late to continue making a difference!

Students calling themselves "stupid"...

It breaks my heart. To see anyone especially a young person call themselves "stupid" or dumb...it usually happens as a joke but today this young lady was serious and it broke my heart.

I have gotten two new female students recently. Both nice, mostly respectful young ladies who have not succeeded in school. Both have moved around, have pretty terrible attendance and are very unengaged in school.

One of the girls today refused to do the work in history even when I was working with her 1 v 1 and just kept repeating "I am so dumb. I am stupid-I can't do this. I am stupid." So, we stopped and talked outside....her tears just came coming as I spoke. I reinforced what a brilliant mind she has, the potential she has and cited examples that I have seen in 3 short weeks. I tried as best as possible to build her up so that she could believe what I already know-just what an incredible human being she is. She couldn't stop crying and wouldn't talk to me about it so I asked to give her a hug and we went back to class. It broke my heart because I know there is a LOT MORE she has to say/feel inside.

It makes me wonder if anyone has ever confirmed her brilliance and her talent and her ability. I have no idea what home life is and I don't want to infer. But, something is causing her to call herself stupid over and over again in school.

From there, she just went downhill and had some moderate behavior problems today. She went on to yell at me and tell me that I don't care, I don't care about teaching, listening or anything. I think that not many things deep down get to me, but this did. It was really hard to have her tell me that I don't care. I care more than any of those young people probably realize. I think about the students E.V.E.R.Y single day...I think about what will motivate them, what they need to learn to succeed, opportunities I can provide for them, and just how important my time is for their life.

I can only hope that she will begin to see just how much I care about her and her education.