I thought I should blog about today while it was fresh in my mind and before I forget the sheer emotion that came out throughout the day. I have great intuition and just had a feeling this morning that I was in for a not so great day and boy, was I correct.
We got through 1st period just fine with the students super engaged and on task; it helped that my principal stopped by for half of the period. But, then the start of 2nd period came and here is where we never recovered. One of my male students came in late rapping loudly and I reminded him that if he is late he needs to come in quietly and start the warm-up. He gave me attitude but sat down and I was giving more directions when a female student (who is 6 months pregnant) told the male student to stop rapping so she could hear my instructions. He got upset, started rapping about her and before I knew it both students were out of their seats cussing at one another and starting to talk about how they should go outside to fight. I asked the male student to remove himself from the room when he said, 'I am cool. F**k no, I am not going outside.' I went outside to try and track down a security guard when I saw my assistant principal and asked her to escort a student. She came inside and it quickly got worse. With the help of other students we got the male student outside, and people restrained the female student. I think what absolutely floored me is that this population of students feels that it is TOTALLY okay to speak to whoever with dis-respect. It DOES NOT matter if you are a male or female-totally bizarre. And from that point until lunch, I just lost the class. People were running their mouth, walking around the room, not listening. It was just terrible. And for the 1st time, with 20 minutes to go, I just gave up. I did because no one was listening and nothing I did was changing that.
I sat in my room during lunch and cried when an air conditioner technician walked through the door to fix my air conditioner and instead just sat with me for an hour. I had never met the man but for an hour, he listened and affirmed that indeed, I am doing a noble thing and I am making a difference. The pure fact that I show up, and care (evident by my frustration in crying) is more than these students will ever express and at some point in the year, 2-3 of them will reap the rewards of my hard work. I truly believe that at that moment, God was watching down on me because he was just about the nicest stranger I have ever met and I walked away knowing that I cannot give up.
I blame my students for their behavior and they are in control of what they say and what they do BUT I also don't blame them to a certain extent because in their everyday environment they constantly see it around them.
I walked away super frustrated and upset today but with my tears dried up because a stranger told me that I could call him anytime if I ever need to hear that I am doing something good in this world and that these kids need me.
So, here's to Friday and the students who show up to learn and the tough face that I will put on when I walk into my classroom.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Made it through the 10th day of teaching...
And I couldn't be more excited. Although week 2 did not hold a fist fight, it did hold other stories that tried and tested my patience, my determination and my will. There are just a couple of highlights that I will share and then I want to write about my initial opinion into OUSD and just why this job is so challenging.
I continue to get new students everyday. Now, for some this may not seem like a big deal but in my class, each new student adds a new dynamic to the class, a new personality for me to get used to, another student to figure out what they can and can not do, and another worry of who they will get along with and who they won't. The last two students who joined my class are both out from juvenile hall. The good is they are on parole and have to be on their best behavior; the bad is they scare me, a little bit.
My favorite student (being sarcastic) continues to test me for the 4.5 hours he is in my class. He has the most ability in my class and should be in general education classes but is in my class because of his behavior. When I have the opportunity to work with him 1 v 1 or talk with him 1 v 1, he is great and gets exactly what he should and should not be doing. But, Wednesday and Thursday I had to kick him out of class for inappropriate behavior, language, gestures and on Thursday a female student and him got into a verbal argument. Bizarre! I am still waiting for the one student who has been in the class in the past to show up-he is a handful and will completly change the class dynamic...he was on campus on Friday which makes me think he may come on Monday-I need to get the F**k ready.
But all in all...we are learning. Maybe not as quickly as I would like and not as effective as it could be, but we are learning. And I show up each and everyday to teach and be there for the 18 kids in my class. I am still constantly looking for new techniques and new ways of doing things, but as my Mom reminded me, I have only been teaching for 10 days.
OUSD is an interesting place. The services or lack thereof are absolutly incredible. One such story is about textbooks. If you are familar with the Williams Law, you know that it promises students the right to have a textbook in every class, to have the classrooms clean and so forth. So, people come around to the different schools and check the classes to make sure that there are textbooks for every student. Well, Friday afternoon my principal called an emergency meeting and proceeded to tell us that we just got the shipment of books in and that we need to disperse them to each classroom and then Monday afternoon they will take the shipment away. So, OUSD has hired a man who drives around a van transporting textbooks to drop off at schools before the Williams people arrive and then he picks them up to take them to the next school. Illegal? YES! Crazy? YES!
There are many moments during the day where I challenge what I am doing, but I am growing tough skin and realizing that I am doing the best that I can. And I can only get better. So, here's to the next 10 days of teaching....
I continue to get new students everyday. Now, for some this may not seem like a big deal but in my class, each new student adds a new dynamic to the class, a new personality for me to get used to, another student to figure out what they can and can not do, and another worry of who they will get along with and who they won't. The last two students who joined my class are both out from juvenile hall. The good is they are on parole and have to be on their best behavior; the bad is they scare me, a little bit.
My favorite student (being sarcastic) continues to test me for the 4.5 hours he is in my class. He has the most ability in my class and should be in general education classes but is in my class because of his behavior. When I have the opportunity to work with him 1 v 1 or talk with him 1 v 1, he is great and gets exactly what he should and should not be doing. But, Wednesday and Thursday I had to kick him out of class for inappropriate behavior, language, gestures and on Thursday a female student and him got into a verbal argument. Bizarre! I am still waiting for the one student who has been in the class in the past to show up-he is a handful and will completly change the class dynamic...he was on campus on Friday which makes me think he may come on Monday-I need to get the F**k ready.
But all in all...we are learning. Maybe not as quickly as I would like and not as effective as it could be, but we are learning. And I show up each and everyday to teach and be there for the 18 kids in my class. I am still constantly looking for new techniques and new ways of doing things, but as my Mom reminded me, I have only been teaching for 10 days.
OUSD is an interesting place. The services or lack thereof are absolutly incredible. One such story is about textbooks. If you are familar with the Williams Law, you know that it promises students the right to have a textbook in every class, to have the classrooms clean and so forth. So, people come around to the different schools and check the classes to make sure that there are textbooks for every student. Well, Friday afternoon my principal called an emergency meeting and proceeded to tell us that we just got the shipment of books in and that we need to disperse them to each classroom and then Monday afternoon they will take the shipment away. So, OUSD has hired a man who drives around a van transporting textbooks to drop off at schools before the Williams people arrive and then he picks them up to take them to the next school. Illegal? YES! Crazy? YES!
There are many moments during the day where I challenge what I am doing, but I am growing tough skin and realizing that I am doing the best that I can. And I can only get better. So, here's to the next 10 days of teaching....
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Almost the end of the 1st week-shit
What a first week it has been! I have cried (multiple times), been so nervous I couldn't sleep, been so anxious I couldn't eat, laughed, smiled and gotten to know 12 amazing high school students in the process. I knew this was going to be difficult but I don't think I actually knew just how hard and exhausting this was going to be. At times, I see myself making a difference in these students lives but at times, they test and try me to almost the end of my string before I catch myself and take a deep breath and use a calming voice with each one of them...
Where to begin?
-Maybe I should begin when the fist fight broke out in class.
-Or when a girl confronted a boy and the boy said to her, 'You better sit down or I am going to F*** you and your baby up'...she is 6 months pregnant.
-Or when a student who is only in special education because of his behavior whispered in my ear today, "Ms. S-when do you think we could work on getting me into general education? I am ready to prove that I am ready."
-Or when I get asked every period of every day if I like EOSA. I respond "yes" and then the student(s) proceed to tell me, "Just get ready-you haven't seen anything yet. It is just the 3rd day of school." Scary part is...I feel like I have seen and heard it all but they are right-there is more to come, I am sure of it.
It is fact that 8 out of every 10 students at my high school have experience a medium size trauma whether that be a death in their family due to a violent crime, a sex act committed to them, an emotional disturbance that occurred, or something else. These students talk matter of factly about getting shot (a student in my class just had gotten shot in the arm-he had a full arm cast and another student is in a wheelchair because he got shot at the age of 10), friends and family dying from gang violence, HIV (the rate is VERY high in East Oakland), rape (also very high in teens in East Oakland), and I have 3 students who are pregnant. I just hope that I can expose them to what is out there and prove to them that by working hard in the classroom, they can get out of east oakland and what they know. Right now, they dont believe a word I say because I am a total stranger to them and one they think is going to walk out on them. They also ask me every single day if I am going to leave because for these kids, that is all they know.
Well let me say that even though I have had my fair share of breakdowns in the first week, I am staying. They can push me and challenge me and make me seriously go crazy, but I will get through to them. I will win their trust and I will show them the endless possibilities they have for their life. For my students it may not be college but it can be a job and a good job-not one at fast food or Wal-Mart.
They are smart and for the most part, work hard. But they can be smarter and they can work harder. I have been pushing "every minute counts" as a class motto (it has yet to be picked up by the students) but the rate of absences and tardies is unbelieveable. If only they realized that every minute does count.
There are endless challenges in front of me. Each one I face with a smile on my face and the determination to keep working...for now, that is all I got. I am not the best teacher, I don't use the best tactics and I am learning each and everyday. But, I will earn their trust and we will work so that they can each change the world-in the way that they each want to....
Where to begin?
-Maybe I should begin when the fist fight broke out in class.
-Or when a girl confronted a boy and the boy said to her, 'You better sit down or I am going to F*** you and your baby up'...she is 6 months pregnant.
-Or when a student who is only in special education because of his behavior whispered in my ear today, "Ms. S-when do you think we could work on getting me into general education? I am ready to prove that I am ready."
-Or when I get asked every period of every day if I like EOSA. I respond "yes" and then the student(s) proceed to tell me, "Just get ready-you haven't seen anything yet. It is just the 3rd day of school." Scary part is...I feel like I have seen and heard it all but they are right-there is more to come, I am sure of it.
It is fact that 8 out of every 10 students at my high school have experience a medium size trauma whether that be a death in their family due to a violent crime, a sex act committed to them, an emotional disturbance that occurred, or something else. These students talk matter of factly about getting shot (a student in my class just had gotten shot in the arm-he had a full arm cast and another student is in a wheelchair because he got shot at the age of 10), friends and family dying from gang violence, HIV (the rate is VERY high in East Oakland), rape (also very high in teens in East Oakland), and I have 3 students who are pregnant. I just hope that I can expose them to what is out there and prove to them that by working hard in the classroom, they can get out of east oakland and what they know. Right now, they dont believe a word I say because I am a total stranger to them and one they think is going to walk out on them. They also ask me every single day if I am going to leave because for these kids, that is all they know.
Well let me say that even though I have had my fair share of breakdowns in the first week, I am staying. They can push me and challenge me and make me seriously go crazy, but I will get through to them. I will win their trust and I will show them the endless possibilities they have for their life. For my students it may not be college but it can be a job and a good job-not one at fast food or Wal-Mart.
They are smart and for the most part, work hard. But they can be smarter and they can work harder. I have been pushing "every minute counts" as a class motto (it has yet to be picked up by the students) but the rate of absences and tardies is unbelieveable. If only they realized that every minute does count.
There are endless challenges in front of me. Each one I face with a smile on my face and the determination to keep working...for now, that is all I got. I am not the best teacher, I don't use the best tactics and I am learning each and everyday. But, I will earn their trust and we will work so that they can each change the world-in the way that they each want to....
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