Remembering 2010...

Looking back on the last 365 days, I have learned so much from so many people. Some of these people are my family, most are my friends and colleagues, but some of my most memorable moments come from the students. So, before 2011 comes I want to just say some things; some of these things are directed at myself and some are directed at others.

Take 'em or leave 'em but hopefully think about them...

(1) You can't have everything in life. No ones life is perfect and that is alright. I want you to realize that it is okay to lead an imperfect life...just keep trying to make it perfect for you because after all, it's your life.

(2) We are all pretty darn lucky. Yes, shit happens and each of us undergo tough times but at the end of the day, we have a place to call home, food on the table, friends and family that tell us they love us and are healthy enough to live another day. All of that equates to being lucky.

(3) Laughs are important. Have fun in 2011-go out when someone asks you, volunteer more, call your friends and family more, remember the good times, work is not everything and it will be there the next day, continue to be a better person each and everyday.

(4) Find love in everything you do. You have found love in your job-continue to nurture and dedicate yourself. Find love in others-in different people, in different environments, and in different places. Love needs to be in every area of your life.

(5) Mistakes are okay. Just own up to them and be honest. Learn from them and then move on.

(6) Practice good communication each and everyday. This is crucial to forming and sustaining good relationships. Share not only with your family but with close friends. People want to know, they really do.

(7) Celebrate. Celebrate the little victories and the big victories. Enjoy yourself and reward yourself.

(8) Don't forget where you came from.

(9) Explore. Whether that means in the town you live, the county, the state, the country or the world---keep exploring.

(10) Love yourself. No matter what, love yourself.

Community Principles

There is an organization called To Write Love on her Arms that is dedicated to depression, anxiety, self-infliction and ultimately suicide. These are all things that my students and their families encounter on a daily basis. This organization has a set of community principles that I shared with my students as I think they apply no matter the situation.

I hope to come back to these week after week in hopes of continuing to transform the classroom to a community full of love and support for one another.

• Community is essential, people need other people, we were never meant to do life alone
• You were created to love and be loved. You were meant to live life in relationship with other people, to know and be known. You need to know that your story is important and that you’re part of a bigger story. You need to know that your life matters.
• Community and hope would replace secrets and silence
• The vision is people becoming incredible parents, people breaking cycles, making change.
• The vision is hope, and hope is real.

Dream Big

“Dream Big”

If there were ever a time to dare,

To make a difference

To embark on something worth doing

It is now.

Not for any grand cause, necessarily –

But for something that tugs at your heart

Something that is worth your aspiration

Something that is your dream.

You owe it to yourself

To make your days count.

Have fun. Dig deep. Stretch.

Dream big.

Know, though,

That things worth doing

Seldom come easy,

There will be times when you want to

Turn around

Pack it up and call it quits

Those times tell you

That you are pushing yourself

And that you are not afraid to learn by trying.

Persist.

Because with an idea,

Determination and the right tools,

You can do great things.

Let your instincts, your intellect

And let your heart guide you.

Trust.

Believe in the incredible power

Of the human mind

Of doing something that makes a difference

Of working hard

Of laughing and hoping

Of lasting friends

Of all the things that will cross your path

Next year

The start of something new

Brings the hope of something great.

Anything is possible

There is only one you

And you will pass this way but once.

Do it right

To remember...

Amount the state of California spent last year on each minor in its juvenile-detention system: $224,712

Amount spent on each student in the Oakland public school system: $4,945

(January issue of Harper's Index)

Words to remember...

You are a great teacher, a true advocate for students. The proof is in maurtrell killing the chem quiz. The proof is in your classroom being a safe space for students during lunch time. The proof is in the difficult conversations that you engage in with people who don't treat students with an IEP as they deserve to be treated. You do great work everyday. Keep you head up and carry on. With love and respect....

Necessity of Teamwork

Excerpt from Pulling Together by John Murphy:

As geese flap their wings, they create an uplift for the bird following. By flying in a V formation, the whole flock adds 71% greater flying range than if any bird were to fly alone.

If we share a common direction and a sense of community, we can get where we are going more quickly and easily because we are traveling on the thrust of one another! Whenever a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to fly alone, and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird immediately in front.

If we have as much sense as geese, we will stay in formation with those who are headed where we want to go, and we will be willing to accept their help as well as give ours to others.

When the lead goose gets tired, it rotates back into formation and another goose flies at the point position.

If we take turns doing the hard tasks and sharing leadership as with the geese, we become interdependent with one another.

The geese in formation honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed. If we “honk,” we need to make sure it is positive and encouraging.

When a goose gets sick or wounded or is shot down, two geese drop out of formation and follow it down to help and protect it. They stay with it until it is able to fly again or dies. They then launch out on their own, with another formation or catch up with the flock.

If we have as much sense as geese, we too will stand by each other in difficult times, as well as when we are strong. Let us all try to fly in formation and remember to drop back to help those who might need it!

I can honestly admit that there are a lot of times I feel alone in my teaching, with my students. I am constantly told to not bear the brunt of responsibility for the students I teach especially the African-American boys who are not on track to graduate yet alone make progress in school. This passage is a great reminder that it does take teamwork especially in the community I work in, to make progress with these young men. I need others to help me in this good fight because I can't do it alone.

It's all about Learning...

I had a really good day at school today. The students were willing to work hard, engage in the material and I had well prepared, engaging lessons. I love that I can connect with my students so much easier than last year-we can have fun, but also get stuff done.

But, during History today I reminded myself of the dire reality-these students CANNOT afford to lose a day of their education. They MUST take advantage of every moment in school and every moment out of school in order to even attempt to catch up on their reading and math levels.

I want to teach them how to read. It is all about their learning...and once they see progress, they will engage in the process EVEN more....

I have to learn to teach reading-it is necessary. I see hope in my students as do others around the school and we have to be able to provide the resources and instruction to raise their reading level.

Time to get busy. Time to work hard. Time to inspire change.

Things I am thankful for....

This Thanksgiving I am thankful for quite a bit in my life, but I wanted to put together a list of things I am thankful for that relate to the work I am doing in Oakland....Here is what I came up with:

1. Colleagues I work with: the dedication and passion they put into their work each and everyday is evident and inspiring to me on a daily basis.

2. Students: they consistently amaze me by their smiles, their laughs, their warm hearts and their determination to keep on going when everything in their life could cause them to stop. They warm my heart and make me smile.

3. Trell: the student who consistently puts a smile on my face and who I am extremely proud of. I have seen him make a huge turn around in his life and in his commitment to his education. He is ALWAYS engaged, pleasant, respectful and loving. He gives the best hugs, has the best smile and the most infectious laugh. On Friday, he was in my room after school making up homework and tests because he wants to earn his higher grades. Simply amazing....

4. Gloria: Outside of school and my teaching life, I could be great friends with Gloria. She ALWAYS amazes me because she has had to endure some tough life circumstances, but she is determined to make it. I will do anything to ensure that happens.

5. Nina: She is a 9th grader this year and never ceases to put a smile on my face. Every morning she comes to see me before school to say hello and give me a hug. She says funny things, but has THE most caring heart.

6. Many moments already this school year that have stopped me in my teaching and in my thinking because they are once in a lifetime. Moments where you see that a student gets it, moments where you see that they want to be in class with you learning, moments where you see the mutual love and respect for one another when at this time last year we were no where near that and moments where I can see that I am truly making a difference. I am extremely thankful for the work that I do and feel lucky to have been given the opportunity to be where I am teaching who I am.

This Thanksgiving, give thanks to life. Life has SO many blessings-the music we listen to, our health, the people that we are surrounded by, the food in front of us, the jobs we have, and all the little things that put smiles on our face. It is these things that make me thankful to be alive...

Pictures to remember

I want my experience in Oakland to last me a lifetime so I am going to try to document more of my experience through pictures....Here are some of my classroom, a couple students and the outside of my school.....

The mural painted outside school....

Students and I being silly...

Different angles of the beautiful classroom!

Ironic Day

Today had it's fill of first for me which I will blog about later, but it was also a tad ironic.

A lady from the district came to observe me during English and not only interrupted my class but proceeded to begin teaching the class. Needless to say, I was QUITE offended and frustrated when she told me she did not think I was/am doing a good job but is not eloquent AT ALL in expressing these things.

But, then my principal wrote an e-mail to his boss and the head of special education about an issue. And, he copied me on the e-mail and said some of the NICEST, most affirming comments that proved that I am doing a good job. There is nothing like reaffirming words from your boss...

The shock to my SDC Teacher (me) would almost guarantee that this would be her last year at EOSA, another unbearable lost.

We currently have an amazing SDC program at our school anchored by a dedicated, passionate, and committed teacher, Ms. Searing. The success of the program and Ms. Searing's ability to create a rigorous learning environment has everything to do with her assistant. Our program has the largest case load of any SDC program in East Oakland. One of the reasons why we have so many students is because the SDC classroom is a learning environment that is safe and expects students to perform well academically. It works because the two of them work well together.

That is about all I need to keep a smile on my face and passion in my heart....

Made my heart sink

On my way home from school today, I saw one of my students on the street. He hasn't been to school in about a month now, but I always see him at least once a week, hanging on the street, usually smoking. It has always HIT me just how sad it is but today I got a good punch to the stomach.

He is 16. He has been to juvenile hall once. He says that he chooses when to come to school and when not to and no one can tell him otherwise.

Today, he was smoking a cigarette, rolling dice on the street with a 45 year old woman. At 4:15 pm he was gambling openly.

And the reason I got so upset about it is because I just cannot imagine what is going on in his mind to NOT come to school once in the last month. What is he thinking when he chooses gambling, smoking and god knows what else over his education?

And, where is his life going to lead as a result? How do I help influence him? How do we, as a school community, get involved in his life to lead him back to school?

Is it my job? And if it isn't my job whose job is it? Because I don't see anyone else stepping to the plate....

One of many heart throb moments I have had in the last week regarding some of the African-American males in my class. Last night, I read this article that compared living in Oakland to living in a war zone. 16 year old African-American males are 16 times more likely to die than their white counterparts. Homicide is the LEADING cause of death for 10-24 year old African American males.....

What are we not doing right? And what can we begin to do in order to help these young men find the value in education and the value in their life?

Doin' the best I can...

I remember this time last year...the 7th week of school when you begin to become a bit exhausted by the work. The physical and emotional toll have hit me but I think the biggest difference this year is that I can SEE just how dysfunctional parts of the district are. I have begun to view programs/services/departments with a critical eye and am frustrated. Today, people saw that frustration on my face.

I am a teacher and I don't make that much money for the work that I am doing. Work that I think should be valued and respected because it is IMPORTANT. I have 19 lives depending on me to educate them so that they can become productive members of society. I have only been at my school site for a year now, but I would like to think I understand my students better than an outsider.

The district or rather special education assigned me a reading coach. I love having people in my room and openly invite anyone to observe me, the students and provide me feedback. That is what allows me to become a better teacher and thus impacting my students in a positive manner. So, the reading coach observed me today. I have already had a very negative interaction with her a month ago while I was attending training. But, I was looking forward to someone observing me and providing me feedback in order to enhance my teaching. I also think that I am very good at receiving feedback even if it is critical-that's a skill I learned playing sports.

Well for 30 minutes today, this reading coach did not have a single positive thing to say to me about my classroom or my teaching. I sat there in disbelief, holding back tears because I was so frustrated. I can't believe that she observed me for 30 minutes with students who she does not know and then provided me with the feedback that she did. Even if she feels that I am an ineffective teacher, she did not go about providing suggestions in a constructive way. I am extremely frustrated and hurt. The worst part about it is she is coming back tomorrow.

I know that I need to move past it today and take what I can from what she said and put it to good use in order to inform my teaching...I also need to put a smile back on my face and remember who I am there to influence-the students...Ultimately, I am there to teach the students. I am there to influence them in a positive way so that they stay off the streets and in the classroom. No matter what, they rely on me to be a stable source of positivity and inspiration....

Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday :)

Why?

Some ask why I am teaching ....some ask why I am teaching where I am...some people ask me why I teach the students I do....

Throughout the last 14 months, I have done a lot of thinking. Deep thinking. Thinking about who I am, the values I hold, what is important and what is not, my future, what I want from the future. I have also had endless time to reflect on the work I am doing in East Oakland with the students I am working with.

Some people tell me that this job is setting me up for the future, setting me up to bigger and better things. But, this job has made me a better person. It has taught me what resiliency is; it has taught me about inequalities that exist all across America, about racism and how it is still playing a part in today's society. I have changed. And I am proud of who I am changing into.

I can't control the future. I don't know what I want to do in the future but I do know that I feel like I am in the right place at the right time for the first time in my life. And for now, it feels good and right and challenging and emotional but good.

So to answer those questions that people ask me daily, I say that I am doing some of the most important work in America with some of the most incredible people by my side. And, the future will fall into place-it always does.

*On another note, my principal paid me a really nice compliment today that just felt good at a time with my students that has been extremely rough the last couple weeks. He said it is his privilege to work alongside a smart, dedicated and hardworking teacher....*

Parents words....

I was and still am having a major issue with one of my male students. He is truant from school regularly (I probably have seen him 8 or less times in 5 weeks) and when he is there he is high on marijuana, refusing to do any work and/or sleeping. He is 16 and has bounced around to 4 high schools already....

Yesterday, he was out of class and trying to get his bike out of my classroom. I let him know that he needed to return to class and he could get it at the end of school. He then stood in front of my door (all 6'4") and let me know I would not be getting into my room if he couldn't. So, I walked away and called his Mom. Here is what she said:

"Thank you for all the work you have been doing with my son. He is just acting so stupid and quite frankly, he is going to either end up dead or in jail."

I KNOW that he is causing just as many issues at home for her but it was VERY difficult to hear a mother say those things about her son. It reminded me how lucky I am for the family that I was raised in and the support system that I have.

When I see this young man again (he wasn't at school today) I am going to shower him with love and support because I think he needs to hear those words. Maybe it will bring him back to school.....

It will be okay

On Friday, I left work super upset about everything that had gone wrong in the morning. But, I forced myself to hang out with friends although I was exhausted and stumbled upon this....

So true, so true, so true....

Quite the day....

Today was a day to remember. It is funny because before school this morning, many of the teachers had made comments about how thankful they were that it was Friday, that it had been a tough week and although this week has not been a "walk in the park" it was not too much to handle. That all changed once 8:25 rolled around....

I am overwhelmed. Many of the 18 students I currently have need more support from me as well as interventions in order to get them on track to succeed. Just a few that I have in mind:

*My student who I have seen only a handful of times has refused to do ANY work in my class even with my 1 v 1 assistance. Today he got angry when I wouldn't allow him to charge his cell phone in class and threw the worksheet on the floor. He never returned for his 2 other class periods and come to find out, he stole a bicycle from his 1st period science class yesterday.

*Or, the student who I have done extensive intervention with and who I love dearly making zero progress in both his attendance, his academics and his behavior. Beginning Monday he will be suspended until he is finally expelled. I will cry about it because he has such potential but is yet another African American young male statistic who will not make it to high school graduation.

*Or at 1:16 when school was getting out and I was running around trying to call 5 different parents concerning 5 different behavior problems while trying to touch base with my principal regarding the above 2 issues and 2 different teachers corner me and tell me that they cannot deal with MY students and something needs to be done. First, they are not MY students...they are our students and we all need to work with them. Second, try interventions before you say you cannot teach them. I can have empathy if my students are behavioral concerns but I cannot if they behave, are present, but just can't grasp the material.

I had a little breakdown in front of one teacher and my assistant principal, but it just gives me upset when I think that I have 5 African American boys who probably will not graduate because they cannot behave in class, are not in class enough to succeed and are extremely dis-respectful and dis-engaged from school. I hope that I can work to get 1 back on track, but they each have SO many distractions that take them away from the importance of education....

I need to re-group this weekend, re-establish my priorities and return on Monday ready to rock my classroom because there has been some pretty great learning in there. In English all my students have written a complete paragraph and I cannot wait to share some of them!

Small victories...

Small victories are what make me smile....this week, although it was crazier than I like most of them and filled with off task behavior and dis-respect, we had some small victories.

Maybe it was Trell writing a paragraph in English on universal health care and how health care would impact East Oakland.

Or Denzell comparing San Francisco to Oakland because he has lived in both places. He wrote some profound things which showed his critical thinking skills.

Or Lamont writing an essay on being a scholar and stating that I am his favorite teacher because I take time with him, understand where he's coming from and give him a lot of chances to stay in school.

Or my math class taking a GROUP quiz today....they were working together to solve problems. They were asking questions to one another and they were teaching each other. This is the SAME class and same group of students who were fighting a year ago. Instead, they were building one another up in order to score well on the quiz.

Or my english language learners doing GREAT on their biology quizzes---they are studying, learning and being pushed academically.

Yes, there will always be areas of improvement for my students and for me. But, I can feel myself becoming a better and more effective teacher and classroom manager. I can choose to focus on all the negatives happening around me or I can continually push myself and my students because they are amazing me. In just 3 weeks, I have already seen progress.

I have had a smile on my face just thinking about some of the things they accomplished this week. They are writing, they are reading, they are doing math and most importantly, they are working together to conquer their learning. From where I came from last year this is the biggest victory yet....

Totally Inspired...just in time

I got a reminder why I teach where I do today...my students made me proud and deeply inspired me by their commitment to their education in class today.

In English, we have been doing a lot of writing and have been pre-writing in order to build up to the drafting process. Both of my English classes worked for 20 minutes on their pre-writes and came up with some incredible topics and statements. I had students writing on universal healthcare, the differences between San Francisco and Oakland, the motivation behind becoming a barber, family, football, life story, how running track relates to life and more....and beyond the pre-write, they then articulated their thoughts into a paragraph.

*Now, I know this doesn't sound like much but it was incredible to watch in my classroom*.

Writing is such a powerful tool. It is something that each of them can be proud of and instantly see their progress. I was so excited in class and said aloud "I am so pumped at the work each one of you is doing right now..." and one student replied (while laughing) "Ms. Searing, you are the only one." But, deep down I think they were already proud of themselves and each other.

It just reaffirms the fact that they can do it. They can be pushed academically and they can respond. Each of them can make progress in their reading and writing because in 3 short weeks, they have each learned to pre-write (it as a new concept for most) and draft. Now, comes the fun part-revising and publishing :)

*In History, we are doing current events so I focused on 9/11 today. One of my 9th graders wasn't writing when the other students were doing independent work so I asked why. He proceeded to tell me that he didn't know what 9/11 was and so he couldn't respond to the photo that we were all looking at. I was dumbfounded but then realized 2 things:

1. He was 4 when 9/11 happened.

2. No one has ever bothered teaching him about that day in history yet alone the effects of it on the U.S and the world.....

Sheltered lives some of my students live but yet amazing what they can teach me about "the streets"....

10 days in...

10 days since school started and although I feel better as a 2nd year teacher, I still feel totally overwhelmed. There is so much to do in order to serve my students how they each deserve. Mind you, I have a lot of students this year and each of them need/deserve their own eduction plan, individualized lessons and lots of attention.

I just can't do it all. But, the behavior has been much more manageable than last year. Today, my 3 infamous students decided to make math class a time to goof around, but that didn't last long. They were asked to take breaks/be dismissed which only leads them to escalate their behavior and prove how upset they are (aka cuss me out).

But, deep down these students just need love. They had summers full of boredom, violence, drugs, addiction, street life and come back defiant and resistant to school culture. Language needs to be addressed along with obedience of rules. But, besides that, they just need to be showed lots and lots and lots of love. They resist it and refute it but all I ever want to do is give each of them HUGE hugs as they walk in the door. Some of them let me and some of they don't. But, I still try.

Academically, especially in math, I have students at ALL levels. Some who cannot add or subtract and others who find it easy. Couple that with behavior and 67 minutes of math can seem like over 2 hours especially because it is always before lunch :)

On top of all of this, I was having a conversation with my principal right after school got out when he had to run out (literally run) because there had been a shooting down the street so our school was on lockdown. I think everyone was fine in the surrounding area, but imagine living in a community where that is common. Students treat it like it is nothing but deep down it is affecting them and I know it. The more love I can show them, the stronger they will be.

They continue to amaze me. Despite the language, the gestures, the lack of respect, the resistance....they continue to inspire me and change me. I think I could see some real break throughs this year----that is the goal.

Show no fear.

Shower them in love.

With that, I think I will see HUGE behavior changes and more importantly, huge strides in their academic levels. After 10 days, I still have a smile on my face :)

Because sometimes you need someone besides me

What a great 1st week! I feel confident both in my teaching, but in my ability to reach these students. Year 2 just feels so much different and I KNOW I can going to build on these feelings to make it a year. A year in which not only do I reach my students, but we make some SERIOUS academic gains. 175 days left...and I am PUMPED

Something I have known but quickly realized this week is sometimes my students need someone besides me. I can't always get in their heads, or make something make sense or say the right thing. So, I have started taping "weekly talking points" to their desk. This week it was Coach Pete Carroll's WIN FOREVER Philosophy which is something that can directly relate to anyone's life. I think I just found next week's:

There are some KEY phrases in there that I can identify with that I think my students can too.

"Life is Short"

"Some opportunities only come once, seize them"

"If you don't like something, change it"

"This is your life, do what YOU love"

I have some incredible young people in my classroom. Some young (14) and some old (19)...some who can read, and some who cannot. But, the common thread is they showed up the 1st week of school and I hope that I can say that same phrase June 16th...

Here's to year 2 and the growth that I make as a person and as an educator and more importantly, the growth that I help my students to make.

Memory # 1 from 2010-2011

In order to capture the true essence of my experience, I plan to post "moments" that captured my heart....

I have already had my 1st one----

This year I moved classrooms from a portable to the school hallways. I am thrilled to be inside the building and to build on school culture around special education. But, I was not looking forward to the moving process as I do have quite a lot of stuff (thanks to my Mom).

The day I was moving everything, Lamont was on campus to register with his Aunt. Lamont and I spent about 10 minutes catching up about summer and he was asking me questions about the upcoming school year. I asked him if he wanted to help me move and he spent the next 3 hours helping me lift boxes and furniture into and out of my car. During that time, we were able to further develop our relationship and I will forever cherish Lamont's generosity and effort.

1st day of school....

I am pumped! Tomorrow is the 1st day of school and I am feeling anxious but excited. I cannot wait to see my returning students and meet all of the new ones! Our staff had a solid 2 days of professional development where we set goals for ourselves and the school and I am excited to build on those goals throughout the year.

Although the work load seems the same, I am feeling much better about managing the classroom and thus my students. I am supposed to have 25 students coming through tomorrow which makes me angry but something that I will have to adapt to if they all show up.

Serving 25 students in my population is unfair to the students, to me and to my school. The district is doing a major dis-service by thinking that they can be properly educated in a classroom with 24 others. So, already we have fought our way in order to provide the best quality education to these young people.

So, here is to a year full of greatness. My heart is full of love and I plan to show no fear and shower as much love on these young people as humanly possible....

Year # 2 approaching...

Well, it's August 12th and I officially have 18 days until the start of the school year. It will be my 2nd year teaching many of the same students at the same school and I am both excited yet nervous.

I have tried to do some deep thinking over summer about changes I want to make to both make me a more effective teacher, but also make my classroom a better place to be for the students. I am excited to implement some of these changes and see the effects that they will have.

I am proud to say I have long term plans for the 3 subjects I am teaching-English, History and Math and hope that it will make a big difference in my teaching as well as my students learning.

I am also STOKED because the district is providing a reading program and a math program for my classroom....yes, it is scripted and may be a bit dry but it is proven to work and I cannot wait to see the results of it. I plan to supplement the program with my teaching to make a HUGE impact.

I should have at least 8, if not 10 students returning from last year and plan on having another 6-8 new students. I think that this will have a big impact on behavior since the returning students know what to expect from me and what is acceptable behavior in the classroom.

Needless to say, I have had a very relaxing and rejuvenating summer and am gearing up physically and emotionally to be the best 2nd year teacher I can....

Here's to August 30th and seeing the old and new students...

Made it to the finish line...

It is the night before the last day of school and I can officially announce that I made it to the finish line. There have been plenty of moments where I doubted my decision to move to Oakland, to teach in Oakland and to finish out my 1st year of teaching. But, for each of those moments there has been a moment that will forever be ingrained in my heart and mind reminding me why I made the choice to move to Oakland and teach.

My students have shown me an incredible amount of commitment, resilience, heart, and a fair share of "real life". I have learned so much about society, hardship, academic learning, inequalities but also how rewarding it can be to continue on this journey we call life.

In the process, I have begun to learn how to teach. I have grown in so many ways both as a person and as a teacher. I know that I have a million miles to continue walking down this path, but after 180 days as a first year teacher I am confident and dedicated to becoming the best possible teacher and person I can be.

I have so many moments/experiences/commentary to reflect on in coming days, weeks, months and years. But, I want to just put some of these on paper so as not to forget them now and later on in life.

*This list is in no particular order...*

1. Life is not fair. We cannot help the family we are born into or the circumstances in which our families are in, BUT my students have shown me what it means to overcome those circumstances. We all only have 1 blood family and we can love them for who and what they are, but we also can pursue our dreams always remembering where we came from.

I think that I have grown immensely as a person because of my students. I have learned what it means to grow up in a community with a family completely opposite of mine and what that means. I have learned the inequalities that exist within society and what that means for life and for education. I have been able to reflect each and everyday with these TRUTHS embedded in my mind and heart. And, I vow to continue working hard because these young people deserve the BEST education they can get just like I had.

2. Teaching reading is difficult. Seeing students who are young adults unable to read is unreal. It shows just how much the education system has failed them. And, for them it is the most frustrating thing in their life. Most will never express that, but a couple of times students have broken down in tears because they want to learn to read so badly, but no one has been able to teach them.

I am not an expert, but I vow to become one. I want to teach these young people how to read because "Reading is the road to Freedom".

3. I am constantly humbled by people at my school. It has been the most difficult 365 days of my life both emotionally and physically, but watching other teachers and students interact humbles me and reminds me why I am doing the work I do. Each teacher cares SO much about the youth in our community and goes out of their way to show just how much they care. But, the flipside is there can be so many disappointments, heartaches and upsets that exist in our community. An example is the fact that we have only 6 African American males graduating this year. Now, we should have 110 seniors graduating (# that started freshman year), but we have 30. And, there are only 6 A.A. males. It makes me sick to my stomach when I think about that. But, as a staff we show up, we show that we care, we teach, and we teach, and we teach. We vow to give them the best quality education in the state so that they can succeed after high school in a career and not the streets. The truth is, not everyone will make it. But, I will try my damnest to ensure that my students get to high school graduation.

4. BEHAVIOR MANAGEMENT, BEHAVIOR MANAGEMENT, BEHAVIOR MANAGEMENT!
I think I have grown so much in this area. I am ready to conquer my classroom next year because I am confident I can manage any behavior in my class. I have seen HUGE gains from my students in their behavior and cannot wait to work with them next year.

5. 85% of young adults who go to juvenile hall will return to juvenile hall. It breaks my heart to see our students caught up with the law. Many of them just don't walk away when put in a bad situation and many feel that they have to be in those situations to 'make a living'. But, at the end of the day, school is the BEST place for these young people because education will get them out of their current situation. But, saying that and listening to that is a different story. At first, I was intimidated by juvenile hall and the young adults that came out of there. But, at the end of the day these young people don't bite...they are rough around the edges, but have a soft spot deep down. They show up because they want to earn their education although they may put up a fight in the beginning. I need to continue to break down their walls so I can find that soft spot. At the end of the day, they are still kids.

At the end of the day, I may not have been able to teach my students everything I had wanted. There is still so much room for each of them to grow academically and I have big plans for each of them next year. But, I have created experiences and memories that many of them will remember for the rest of their life. I have led by example, preached values and morals, exposed them to new things and hopefully positively influenced their life. I want to impact their life in bigger ways but I am SO proud of myself and the work they have done this year. I made it to the finish line...never thought I would get here!

This morning before school, I had 4 of my favorite students hanging out in my room and it reminded me of the good things I have done with them. We were able to just hang out, converse, joke with one another and each of them had positive things to say about school, each other, and me. The relationships they have begun to establish with one another are so important in building a community where each can seek safety, trust and love. I hope that I have shown them trust, love, and a safe place...at the end of the day, each of them need and deserve that.

Just to post some pictures--I took my students to the Oakland A's game and we had a BLAST watching the Angels beat the A's :)






Get Ready 2010-2011! I am ready to continue to impact the youth in a positive, uplifting and academic rigorous way....2 months and I will be back!

Disparity in prison and educational spending...

Yet another article that highlights 2 men who are leading very different lives, but highlights the HUGE disparity between prison spending and educational spending especially in California.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/13/opinion/13kristof.html

Makes me disgusted at our state.

Frustrating

Today, I am so frustrated. I haven't felt like this in awhile, but I am extremely frustrated at the progress that my students have made in a year. Forget academic learning and just consider behavior. They were rude, disrespectful, disengaged and all over the place today. We had to dismiss more students today than I can remember doing in a long time.

I just wish they could come to school, put a smile on their face, do what they are asked of, and we could all have a good time. I understand we are doing projects in each class BUT that doesn't mean it is time to mis-behave and dis-respect not only me but other students.
*I also think it is time for summer break and I am getting a bit more fed up than in the past when a student acts out-my patience is running thin.*
But, I shouldn't have to ask you anymore to sit in your seat. It's June 2nd and you are 17.5 years old.

On top of all the day had to present, a former SDC student who is now in resource and is graduating this year has the 2nd highest GPA from all schools on our campus and should be speaking at graduation. But, due to the fact that she had SDC classes for 3 years, she will not get to speak at graduation but at our awards assembly. To me, it is extremely unfair and a slap in the face. Do SDC classes and my teaching "not count"? I didn't speak up at the staff meeting, but instead walked straight to my room and shed a few tears.

I wanted to tell everyone:

• Why do I even bother to teach if SDC classes "don't count"?
• This student has worked extremely hard to get a 4.0 AND succeed outside of the SDC environment in her senior year.
• It would be GREAT for ALL students to see a student who received special education services at the podium of graduation.

But, alas, I shut my mouth. I am still thinking about approaching the administration at a later date when I am more calm. But, for now, special education seems to be the step-child at my school-I realize as do my students.

Closin' in...

I only have 12 more school days and only 8 with my students as the last week of school we are doing something a bit different.

Wow! I have made it to June and it feels nothing short of amazing. The students are working on projects, class is very laid back and we are bonding. I am taking students to an Oakland Athletics baseball game next week, we are planning a class BBQ where students will each bring something to contribute, and I am planning summer outings with some of my students. It feels great-truly great.

I have had some future teachers observing my classroom the past couple of weeks. One was there today for the first 2 periods of the day and one of my students told her during passing period that I was a "Bomb Ass Teacher". I didn't hear him say it, but she told me later and what a compliment! I am sad to say that same student is transferring to a military high school next year. He has never been in the same school for more than a year and the trend continues. He has been able to make HUGE strides in my classroom and I am extremely proud of him. I am also very sad to think that he won't be back next year and he is going to have to transition yet again to a new place.

I am beginning to pack up my classroom and get organized. Next year, I will be in a different classroom but I am excited about where it will be. It is just a pain to have to move everything, but that is okay. It will force me to re-do my classroom :)

I have been constantly reflecting on my classroom, behavior management, grading and my teaching to try and implement better systems for next year. I am going to document a few of my thoughts in coming weeks and also an end of the year letter to myself.

Lastly, I am forever grateful to this cohort of students who I was able to teach this year. They taught me so much and they will always be my "first students". I have come a long way since August 30th and each of them have taught me something that I will carry into the future. I intend to let each of them just what they have meant to me and leave them each with a gift for summer....

Compared to a white child...

My principal read this at our staff meeting today to celebrate the work we have been doing and will continue to do at our school. Today is "Day of the Teacher" and I think that this piece highlights why I chose to teach where I do....

Compared with a White child in the Oakland hills, an African American born in West Oakland is 1.5 times more likely to be born premature or low birth weight, 7 times more likely to be born into poverty, 2 times as likely to live in a home that is rented and 4 times more likely to have parents with only a high school education or less.

As a toddler, this child is 2.5 times more likely to be behind in vaccinations. By 4th grade, this child is 4 times less likely to live in a neighborhood with 2 times the concentration of liquor stores and more fast food outlets. Ultimately, this adolescent is 5.6 times more likely to drop out of school and less likely to attend a 4-year college than a White adolescent.

As an adult, he will be 5 times more likely to be hospitalized for diabetes, 2 times as likely to be hospitalized for and to die of heart disease, 3 times more likely to die of stroke and twice as likely to die of cancer.

Born in West Oakland, this person can expect to die almost 15 years earlier than a White person born in the Oakland Hills.


Extremely eye-opening, touching and reminds me of the ever important work that I do to try and save my African American students from falling into this pattern.....



Excerpt taken from:
*Iton, Tony et al. Life and Death from Unnatural Causes: Health and Social Inequity in Alameda County Alameda County Public Health Department, August 2008

Modeling for my students

You never realize how closely students pay attention to your every move. They notice what you say, what you do, what you have for lunch, when you are frustrated, tired, upset and are not afraid to call you out when you do something contradicting to what you ask of them.

We set the tone for the classroom. My students watch me not only for how I manage the classroom, but how I manage my life. I think for my students this is especially important because they don't have an abundance of positive role models in their life.

If I complain about how tired I am because I stayed up late (watching TV, hanging out with friends, grading papers), I am modeling for my students that a good night’s rest is not important.

When I complain about other teachers, I am modeling for my students that I am not a team player. I am not looking for the good in my colleagues.

If I gossip about others, then I am teaching my students it is okay to spread stories about others.

When I complain about needing more time, then I am showing my students how to make excuses.

If I avoid learning new things by whining about how hard it is or that I don’t have enough time, then I am showing my students that they don’t need to try hard either.

I choose how to spend my time. If I’m tired, angry, or unhappy, then it is my own fault. I can’t change others but I can change myself. If I have run out of time to do something, it is because I chose not to use my time more wisely or I over committed myself. Again, it was a decision that I had to make and I can’t blame it on anyone else but myself.

I need to make a list of things that are important to me and prioritize them. I need to make absolutely sure that these things are done.

At times I forget just how much of an influence I can have on my students. If I don't start class on time, I am sending a message. If I pull my cell phone out during class, I send a message. If I am impatient, I send a message. Every minute of every day I am on the spot. And every minute counts with my students.



In other news, it is so interesting to teach in an urban, high need school. Yesterday was Teacher Appreciation Day and my friends who work in middle to high class areas received gift cards, appreciation cards and were so excited about it. I can tell you that I have yet to receive a card for anything yet alone Teacher Appreciation Day. And I am not complaining. It just reminds me of the VAST differences between higher and lower income areas.

Open Letter to Teachers

I stumbled upon this and am re-posting because I think this is fantastic. Next year, it will be up in my room as a reminder to myself....

Here in my neck of the woods, it’s the weekend before the start of classes. At my house, life got frantic this week as my wife, a high school language arts teacher, returned to work.

It’s about to get really busy if you are at all involved in education. As you gear up in whatever way that you do, I selfishly wanted to jot down a few reminders that I’d be telling myself if I were about to get started.

First. I hope you take lots of risks for the sake of learning this year. Not just for your students, but also for you. Make it a goal to try to learn something in a sustained and meaningful way that has little to do with your classroom life. I’ve been trying to learn photography this year, and while I’m nowhere close to proficient, it has been helpful to be in the mindset of a learner who’s struggling. That’s how many of our students feel everyday.

It doesn’t have to be a big risk that you always take – take little ones, too. Ask the question that you’re hesitant to ask. Share the writing you’re doing with your students. Volunteer to do the silly dance at the assembly. Just challenge yourself a little bit every now and then. We rise to the challenge when we’re pushed. But it’s easy to forget to reach.

Try very hard not to work all the time. I suck at this, at turning off my work brain and focusing on being a dad or a husband or “just a dude reading the paper at the corner coffee shop,” but I recognize the value of being at rest and at play, of knowing that it’s better to let small work things go in the name of preserving long term relationships. You CAN be that hero teacher that everyone loves and is in awe of, but only for a little while. Then, you burn out and fade away and don’t do anyone any good at all.

You need no one’s permission to postpone a due date or modify an assignment for the benefit of a student, or to delay some grading for the benefit of yourself or your family. All will be right with the world if you’re a day late, so long as you had a reason.

Be an expert when you need to be. Be a learner always. You are probably the most experienced learner in your classroom. But don’t assume you’re the most knowledgable person or object. If you’ve a computer handy, then you’re not. Embrace that. Relationships and mentoring cannot be outsourced or Googled. They take time and genuine concern.

Model always what you want your students to do. You and your behaviors and habits, no matter how much you might wish otherwise, are a curriculum of sorts, perhaps THE curriculum.

Be humble, but fight like crazy for your students.

Have at all times, as Geoff Powell says, “a healthy respect for young people.”

Work on your crap detector. Teach your students to develop theirs. Read and write lots. Let your students make meaningful choices in their learning. Hold them accountable for the choices they make, good or bad.

And share the good stuff. Your stories are all human ones, and they are all special, just as each one of you, and each of your students, is special. There is always someone curious about what you’re up to.

You’ll have nervous days and scared days and failure days. But you’ll also have “yes” days. Write about, reflect upon, and learn from all of them, but build a special place to keep a record of the “yes” ones. Return to it when you need a boost on some of the not-so-good days.

I wish you well. I ask you to be brave and humble and kind and tenacious and wise and caring and gentle and fierce. We so need you to do well. And there are lots of folks out there who want to help. Do good stuff.

Oakland Teachers 1 day strike

Well, I participated in my first strike. It was pretty uneventful despite providing bonding opportunities for our teaching staff and one of my students. I was at my school from 5:30 am-10 am picketing and we got quite the support from parents, students and passing cars.
Then, at 10 am we moved to downtown Oakland to meet as a union and about 2,000 teachers showed up. We marched, we spoke, we fought and I had the opportunity to do it with one of my students (see left).
He was 1 of about 5 kids who showed up to school and he really wanted to participate with us. So, we spent the day together. Not only was it an opportunity to educate him about teachers, educational issues and striking but I was able to show him different parts of Oakland. At the end of the day, he told me that it was a day he would never forget. He had never had the opportunity to spend the day with one of his teachers and it was the absolute best experience and best day of his life. It made me remember yet again, not only why I teach but why I take the extra time to with my students. It was a moment he will remember for the rest of his life, but also I will remember it forever....

For the record books...

Just because I am not sure if I will ever be part of a strike again, I want to document the history that is about to take place tomorrow.

OAKLAND TEACHERS ARE STRIKING FOR 1 DAY!

Why?

• Smaller class sizes (aka less than 30 in K-3 classes)
• Adult Education (the district wants to eliminate & we serve 25,000)
• Compensation (we are the lowest paid in the County

So, I will picket from 5:30 tomorrow morning til 10 am in support of teachers in Oakland. Here are some preliminary articles-I will post pictures later.

http://bayarea.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/04/28/oakland-teachers-to-strike-thursday/

Here we go to picketing!

Havin' fun.....

Helping me clean the classroom=love!

Playing Monopoly at lunch together!

Serenading during math class...singin' Alicia Keys!

Couch jumpin' at lunchtime!

Never thought the countdown would come...

38 more school days....wow!

I vowed not to make a countdown but I decided to make a ring of chains in my classroom and post a goal on each chain (which represents 1 day) so that the students continue to be motivated to learn and also know that we still have time to impact their achievement.

Personally, 38 days is do-able. For my lovable, well behaved students I have 38 days to continue being positive, pushing them academically and loving them before they leave for summer. For my less than stellar students, I have only 38 days that they are in my classroom. I have 38 days to continue to impact their philosophy on education and their outlook on school before they will roam the streets and lead the "street life".

I was told by my assistant principal that if I can teach in the part of Oakland that we are in, than I can teach anywhere. If I survived my 1st year with this population that I can survive anywhere. No one may not it until they shadow for the day just how hard the job is, but the people who matter know just how difficult this job is. And I think that although I down play it, it has been the hardest thing I have ever done.

I have been reflecting a lot and taking notes on a lot of things to change and/or implement next year. And until then, I have 38 days....can't believe it!

Last observation for the year

Today marked a major milestone in my first year of teaching-the last observation! It was actually SO good to hear some of the feedback and made me reflect on how far I have come as a teacher with my students. She (a lady from the district who is my mentor teacher) has observed different classes (History, Science, Math and Reading) and been in the class about 5-6 times. Today, she observed my reading class where we played a CST review game, the students silent read and then we played a main idea board game. After, her and I had a conversation about today's class as well as the progress I have been able to make since September. Some of the comments were:

-"Your students asked you for help today. A student admitted he didn't know some of the words and asked you to read them for him. That is MAJOR progress and a true sign that they trust you."

-"They respect you. They yearn for your positive reinforcement and enthusiasm towards their learning. It is evident by how they treat you and how they act."

-"From September until now, there is a HUGE change in classroom culture and the overall feeling in here. You have done some incredible work with these students and with your teaching. Just watching the students interact with each other and with you is the #1 indicator you have done something special in here."

And after she left, I just sat in the room and reflected. She is right! The fact that my students admit they need help is a HUGE indicator that they trust me and the classroom environment. They follow directions, and in this class they are reading! Each of them will have completed 3 novels by the end of the school year....and I have been able to work individually with each of them on individual reading skills.

Although there are 8 weeks left in the school year, today, I am extremely proud of myself and what I have done since August 31st. I still have 8 weeks to continue to impact student achievement, but the trust and the respect that I have for my students and they have for me is nothing short of extraordinary....

On to Tuesday....

Such a transitional place

Today was the 1st day back from spring break and although I was a bit anxious and a bit sad that vacation was over, it was REALLY refreshing to see my students this morning. Students who are never on time showed up before the bell rang and it was evident to see that they were excited to be back at school. During journal writing, I saw paragraphs being written about their spring break and they were excited for me to read them. REFRESHING for a change! I had much more patience and enthusiasm in my teaching and energetic about the next 9 weeks....9 weeks to continue pushing, continue changing, and continue educating my students.

A favorite student of mine (one who has come A LONG way from the fall, but still has work to do) had told me 2 weeks ago he might be transferring schools and today his grandma told me she would be moving him to a military charter school in Oakland. I expressed my sadness at this news because he has been able to make a lot of progress since September and the boy has moved schools every single year. I am sad that we worked hard to make progress in the last 9 months, he has found a home in my classroom and has no desire to move schools, but his grandma thinks he needs a man and "more structure". I understand it is her right to move her grandson, but I wish sometimes that we could think about the implications of switching schools every single year. The progress that this student and I have made in his academics and his behavior are INCREDIBLE, but if he moves schools he will have to re-start that progress and that trust that he has been able to build. And, it makes me sad, angry, frustrated for him and his future.

But, alas it is outside my control. I will work with him until June 17th just like every other student in my class. June 17th will be here before I know it and I will have officially completed my 1st year of teaching. What a wild ride it has been with moments of triumph and moments of tragedy. I am sure that will be many more in the next 9 weeks.

In another note, thank you for the outpouring of support, encouragement and love that all my family and friends show me every single day. The gentleman who works with me in the class asked me today what everyone thought of what I was doing in Oakland. I just responded by saying that the number of phone calls, e-mails, cards that I get are WAY MORE than anyone deserves, but that there are times I am not sure I could do without them. This experience has changed my mind and my heart about the inequalities in America especially in education. But, I have vowed to myself to take this experience and these feelings with me every single day in my journey. I will never forget this experience and I cannot wait to add to it!

Staying...

For everyday that my students have tried and tested me, there has been a moment this year that has touched my heart and inspired hope in my soul. This time of year is when people are receiving pink slips, moving, transferring schools and/or giving up teaching as a profession. The students have been constantly asking if I will be back next year, even those who I never thought cared.

A colleague of mine told me something that sums it up:

The students will love you for it even though they have seemingly done everything in their power to drive you out. If you stay, the love they will show will forever leave an imprint in your heart. The students need you to commit to them, to offer them unconditional love and to see through to their success.

And this is why I will choose to stay and teach in Oakland.

Brought me to tears today...

Not many things have brought tears to my eyes, but a student did today. He is my infamous "genius" student who has put in minimal effort, has had attendance and behavior issues and who was pretty close to dropping out. And, then his blood father showed up. For the last 3 weeks, his Dad has been there every day ensuring his son is in class and taking care of business. It has been great to see and it has been paying off. His son has been in class, on time and his behavior has been impeccable.

And, today it came full circle. I had taken this student outside to dicuss a comment that he had made in class. And, I asked him how school has been the last couple of weeks. Here is how the conversation went:

S: School has been fun. It has been cool.
Me: Yeah, how have you felt the last 2 weeks?
S: I like being here and being successful. I can tell you I have been proud of myself for the 1st time in a long time.
Me: Have you told anyone that? I bet you can't tell the "brothers" that.
S: Yeah, I have told no one. But, it is a great feeling. I am proud of myself.
Me: I am proud of you. In the last 3 weeks, you have transformed into a student who I am proud to teach. I haven't known you in that capacity; I have known you as a person, but not as a student. I have been proud to teach you and see you grow the last 3 weeks. It is the best feeling in the world to be proud of yourself. Let it continue
S: Thanks Ms. S. I have really had fun the last 2 weeks.

And, I had tears in my eyes. What a great and incredible feeling for this young man! I hope that he can see the benefit of education and keep this feeling alive for the future. Wow! It was an inspiring 4th period.

And, during 1st period English I had the students write on 20 things that they believe in. I had given them some of my examples such as love, education, myself and God...and to read what they came up with---absolutly incredible. It is something that I hope I can get them to elaborate on in the future.

What a great week in the classroom...some students who I had thought I wouldn't see breakthroughs from are really stepping up and providing hope. I am extremely proud of my students and the progress that some of them have been able to make.

4 more days and then spring break. When we return, we have about 10 weeks to learn the most we can for 2009-2010. We gotta hit it hard!