Just a quick story today...class was a bit rough but overall not terrible. But, one of my students today paid me a really big compliment (he made me smile) and this student is one who consistently is dismissed from class....
He had asked me twice if I was staying next year to teach and I had said I was. Then, I was dismissing him from class early (for acting out) and was speaking with him outside about motivation and getting his act together in order to pass his classes...and we had the following conversation:
Student: "Ms S. you gonna be my teacher next year?"
Me: "Yes, Lamont I will be here next year, why?"
Student: "Well, I don't care about being put in general ed classes if I can have you again next year."
Me: "Are you paying me a compliment? You like me as your teacher?"
Student: "You know I do Ms. S...just want you to stick around."
Made me smile for the rest of the day....
Monday, December 14, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Feelin' real good....
I feel really good about my classroom for the first time in a long time (sometime back in October!)...why you might ask?
We had a really good week together....no fights between students, a couple verbal jabs directed at me but I can handle 'em and we accomplished a lot of learning. And besides that, I received some really positive gestures from my students.
As mentioned in the previous post, the warm reception when I came to class yesterday and then today another student put a permanent smile on my face. In English I have been asking the students to write in their journals in preparation for writing an essay on their life (in the spring). They have been able to write about anything and if they want me to respond, they leave it with me and if not, they put it back on the shelf. Well, one of my girls had written earlier in the week about how tough life was, how unhappy she was, etc, etc. I responded with some positive uplifting words and then today, she wrote me the following:
"Ms. Searing...I know you are my teacher and maybe I shouldn't consider you a friend but when I walk through the classroom door every morning you brighten my day. You always ask how I am, and always listen no matter what I have to say. You make a difference in my life every single day and for that I love you."
Profound words from a 16 year old girl....make me want to go to school on Saturday and make a difference in her life tomorrow!
We had a really good week together....no fights between students, a couple verbal jabs directed at me but I can handle 'em and we accomplished a lot of learning. And besides that, I received some really positive gestures from my students.
As mentioned in the previous post, the warm reception when I came to class yesterday and then today another student put a permanent smile on my face. In English I have been asking the students to write in their journals in preparation for writing an essay on their life (in the spring). They have been able to write about anything and if they want me to respond, they leave it with me and if not, they put it back on the shelf. Well, one of my girls had written earlier in the week about how tough life was, how unhappy she was, etc, etc. I responded with some positive uplifting words and then today, she wrote me the following:
"Ms. Searing...I know you are my teacher and maybe I shouldn't consider you a friend but when I walk through the classroom door every morning you brighten my day. You always ask how I am, and always listen no matter what I have to say. You make a difference in my life every single day and for that I love you."
Profound words from a 16 year old girl....make me want to go to school on Saturday and make a difference in her life tomorrow!
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Moment of gratitude
Today I took the opportunity to go and observe other classrooms similar to mine at a neighboring high school-I loved the experience and gained a lot of tools that will help me in the future to become a more successful teacher. I was on my way back to my classroom so I could relieve the lady who was subbing for me and I was nervous...I was not looking forward to 1 period of math because who knows what had happened without me there for the day.
And then I walked in my room...and immediately was greeted by 3 incredible moments that will sustain me for weeks to come.
1) One of my female students at the door expressing how much she had missed me and how glad she was that I was back.
2) A student who shows up to class and gives me a hard time usually but TODAY she came and just gave me a hug.
3) A student who was back for the 1st day post suspension (for cussing me out) coming and giving me a hug and almost refusing to let go. No words were exchanged just a good 'ol hug.
And it is these moments that let me know I have made a difference since August 31st. It is these moments that keep me up at night planning so that I can continue to impact the youth in Oakland.
Those 3 incidents meant more to me than most of the students will EVER know....
And then I walked in my room...and immediately was greeted by 3 incredible moments that will sustain me for weeks to come.
1) One of my female students at the door expressing how much she had missed me and how glad she was that I was back.
2) A student who shows up to class and gives me a hard time usually but TODAY she came and just gave me a hug.
3) A student who was back for the 1st day post suspension (for cussing me out) coming and giving me a hug and almost refusing to let go. No words were exchanged just a good 'ol hug.
And it is these moments that let me know I have made a difference since August 31st. It is these moments that keep me up at night planning so that I can continue to impact the youth in Oakland.
Those 3 incidents meant more to me than most of the students will EVER know....
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Words of Wisdom
This morning at a conference I had to attend as part of OTF, I was asked to give a welcome to other first year teachers...and here is what I said.....
I am currently teaching a high school special day class where I teach 4 core subjects to a group of 15 students on a daily basis.
It is hard to believe that it is the first week in December as I can vividly remember almost every single school day since August 31st.
I remember the very first student I met, K, who comes to class early every morning to play my favorite music, country. He does it just to be nice even though I know he secretly hates country music. I can remember L, the student who consistently gets dismissed from my class, coming back after school one day to ask if I would write a letter to his girlfriend for him. I remember the day that C, a student who ALWAYS says at least 1 highly inappropriate thing to me every day, staying at lunchtime to let me know that if any student tried to hurt me, he would be there to protect me because I am a good teacher. I also remember the 2nd day of school and the exact moment that I was caught like a deer in headlights when 2 boys started a physical fight inside my classroom-I was not prepared to react.
But, in a little over 3 months I have had the privilege to get to know 15 incredible students. Each of them arrives at school looking for love and support and the opportunity to learn so that they can succeed after high school. I would be lying if I said this job hasn’t tested my patience, determination and sheer will. My students have tested my ability to remain calm when there is nothing else calm in the room; they have forced me outside my comfort zone when trying to de-escalate a verbal/physical confrontation; my students have taught me what it means to be resilient when they show up to school every day no matter what.
I think the best way to characterize my experience thus far is to share this past Wednesday with you. This past week has been extremely tough with most of my students being involved in some sort of confrontation with one another, and many inappropriate behaviors during the time we spent together. During 2nd period, I was hardly teaching because I was dealing with students outside while still trying to maintain the class inside. A freshman student needed to be dismissed for the day and I was discussing with him outside the reasons why he was leaving and he started to cry with me. He didn’t go into much detail but let me know that I have no idea what home life is like. It was a BIG step for him as this student has always put up very tough skin. The bell rung and 3rd period came. It was still chaos. I decided that instead of teaching science that I would put my students in a circle and let them know the reality of what was going on. For the next 30 minutes, I talked and for the first time, there was complete silence in the room. Each student looked me in the eye and understood exactly what I was saying. I expressed to them why I am teaching in Oakland and why I show up to school every single day. I let my 15 students know that I love and support each one of them and the goals we have set for them are achievable. We talked about building a class community where we support one another and build each other up instead of tearing one another apart.
And, then I cried. I cried in front of my class. I couldn’t hold in my frustration, and the pure anxiety I have when I think that these 15 students may never graduate unless we can get them on track. I think ultimately they were shocked because no one said anything for a couple minutes. And then L, the student who I love and hate, said, “Well, we want you to know that we show up to school to see you for 4 1/2 hours a day for a reason. We make that choice when we wake up in the morning. I hope that means something to you.” He then came and gave me a hug…
To each of you, I hope that you have had that moment that has reaffirmed why you teach in Oakland. These students are incredibly brilliant, resilient and motivated. And it is our job to give them the quality education that they deserve. Thank you for the work you have done in the past 3 months and thank you for the incredible work you will continue to do for years to come…
I am currently teaching a high school special day class where I teach 4 core subjects to a group of 15 students on a daily basis.
It is hard to believe that it is the first week in December as I can vividly remember almost every single school day since August 31st.
I remember the very first student I met, K, who comes to class early every morning to play my favorite music, country. He does it just to be nice even though I know he secretly hates country music. I can remember L, the student who consistently gets dismissed from my class, coming back after school one day to ask if I would write a letter to his girlfriend for him. I remember the day that C, a student who ALWAYS says at least 1 highly inappropriate thing to me every day, staying at lunchtime to let me know that if any student tried to hurt me, he would be there to protect me because I am a good teacher. I also remember the 2nd day of school and the exact moment that I was caught like a deer in headlights when 2 boys started a physical fight inside my classroom-I was not prepared to react.
But, in a little over 3 months I have had the privilege to get to know 15 incredible students. Each of them arrives at school looking for love and support and the opportunity to learn so that they can succeed after high school. I would be lying if I said this job hasn’t tested my patience, determination and sheer will. My students have tested my ability to remain calm when there is nothing else calm in the room; they have forced me outside my comfort zone when trying to de-escalate a verbal/physical confrontation; my students have taught me what it means to be resilient when they show up to school every day no matter what.
I think the best way to characterize my experience thus far is to share this past Wednesday with you. This past week has been extremely tough with most of my students being involved in some sort of confrontation with one another, and many inappropriate behaviors during the time we spent together. During 2nd period, I was hardly teaching because I was dealing with students outside while still trying to maintain the class inside. A freshman student needed to be dismissed for the day and I was discussing with him outside the reasons why he was leaving and he started to cry with me. He didn’t go into much detail but let me know that I have no idea what home life is like. It was a BIG step for him as this student has always put up very tough skin. The bell rung and 3rd period came. It was still chaos. I decided that instead of teaching science that I would put my students in a circle and let them know the reality of what was going on. For the next 30 minutes, I talked and for the first time, there was complete silence in the room. Each student looked me in the eye and understood exactly what I was saying. I expressed to them why I am teaching in Oakland and why I show up to school every single day. I let my 15 students know that I love and support each one of them and the goals we have set for them are achievable. We talked about building a class community where we support one another and build each other up instead of tearing one another apart.
And, then I cried. I cried in front of my class. I couldn’t hold in my frustration, and the pure anxiety I have when I think that these 15 students may never graduate unless we can get them on track. I think ultimately they were shocked because no one said anything for a couple minutes. And then L, the student who I love and hate, said, “Well, we want you to know that we show up to school to see you for 4 1/2 hours a day for a reason. We make that choice when we wake up in the morning. I hope that means something to you.” He then came and gave me a hug…
To each of you, I hope that you have had that moment that has reaffirmed why you teach in Oakland. These students are incredibly brilliant, resilient and motivated. And it is our job to give them the quality education that they deserve. Thank you for the work you have done in the past 3 months and thank you for the incredible work you will continue to do for years to come…
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
What a return to school...
I had a whole 9 days away from my students and enjoyed every single minute of it...I was not ready to return to my classroom, to each of them and was really not ready to teach. But Monday rolled around and 90% of my class was on time to class (a rarity) and we had a good day together...I was surprised how well behaved they were for a Monday especially a Monday after a whole week off.
Then Tuesday came...my aide started in the classroom and what a first day he had. I think we had just about every single student out of the class at one point or another. Their behavior was AWFUL, insulting, dis-respectful...I hadn't seen them like this since September. But, we all got through it and I was glad when 4th period ended....I cried at the end of the day but got ready for today and having a much better day.
Well, I can report that today is a day to remember in my teaching career. It was the first time that I openly wept in front of my students. Again, their behavior was off task, disrespectful towards one another, very little work being completed and defiant of requests. I took a student outside between 2nd and 3rd period to escort him to the office when he started crying because he was so upset about his home life. He didn't go into details but to see this student angry and crying just broke my heart. I went inside the classroom and made my students sit in a circle and gave them a talk for about 30 minutes and that is where I cried. I expressed my frustration at not being able to teach them because of all the bul-shit in the classroom and I expressed how dis-heartened I was that I was not helping them earn a diploma because I was trying to control their actions. I reaffirmed my love for them and let them know that I show up for a reason because I care about every single one of them but that this classroom could not remain how it has been. I was embarrassed that I cried but then again, maybe they needed to see that I am human, that I have feelings and that I truly care about them. Maybe they need a reality check of how I feel as their teacher. I don't know if it had any impact or whether they will think about it when they go home tonight...but it happened and I will never be able to take those tears back.
I also had a very scary moment when a female student stopped responding at the end of class and went limp (we couldn't feel a pulse). I immediately called my principal who called 911 but she was "out" for about 2 minutes and when she became alert again, she was unable to answer any questions. I feel terrible for this girl but she suffers from panic attacks and there is no telling why she gets them or what causes them. I was very very scared and will be following up.
This job has thrown some very trying days in my way...today was no exception.
Then Tuesday came...my aide started in the classroom and what a first day he had. I think we had just about every single student out of the class at one point or another. Their behavior was AWFUL, insulting, dis-respectful...I hadn't seen them like this since September. But, we all got through it and I was glad when 4th period ended....I cried at the end of the day but got ready for today and having a much better day.
Well, I can report that today is a day to remember in my teaching career. It was the first time that I openly wept in front of my students. Again, their behavior was off task, disrespectful towards one another, very little work being completed and defiant of requests. I took a student outside between 2nd and 3rd period to escort him to the office when he started crying because he was so upset about his home life. He didn't go into details but to see this student angry and crying just broke my heart. I went inside the classroom and made my students sit in a circle and gave them a talk for about 30 minutes and that is where I cried. I expressed my frustration at not being able to teach them because of all the bul-shit in the classroom and I expressed how dis-heartened I was that I was not helping them earn a diploma because I was trying to control their actions. I reaffirmed my love for them and let them know that I show up for a reason because I care about every single one of them but that this classroom could not remain how it has been. I was embarrassed that I cried but then again, maybe they needed to see that I am human, that I have feelings and that I truly care about them. Maybe they need a reality check of how I feel as their teacher. I don't know if it had any impact or whether they will think about it when they go home tonight...but it happened and I will never be able to take those tears back.
I also had a very scary moment when a female student stopped responding at the end of class and went limp (we couldn't feel a pulse). I immediately called my principal who called 911 but she was "out" for about 2 minutes and when she became alert again, she was unable to answer any questions. I feel terrible for this girl but she suffers from panic attacks and there is no telling why she gets them or what causes them. I was very very scared and will be following up.
This job has thrown some very trying days in my way...today was no exception.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Treadin' water
It has been awhile since my last post....due in part to weekend vacations, and IEPS needing to be written but also just the pure exhaustion that I feel at this point in the year. Things in the classroom have been moving, whether they are moving as quickly in a positive direction as I would have hoped, I am still not sure. I am sure that I absolutly cannot wait for Thanksgiving break and those 10 days I get away from my classroom. I feel like I need a good kick in the butt to get inspired again.
This is not to say I have given up. I think that I have done anything but that. But, I think I have begun to get frustrated that my students don't necessarily care about their learning and/or grades. They sit in class, some listen and some don't, and then they complain or tear the quiz up when they can't answer the questions. If they would half the effort into their learning as they do with their disruptions, their potential would soar. Class would be enjoyable 95% of the time and we would have WAY more fun than we are right now. The same handful of students continue to give me problems and I have now resorted to trying to work with them, but also dismissing them from class for the day...it gets to them more than they admit to me.
The second grading period ends next Friday and I have a senior who is failing 5 out of 6 of his classes and doesn't seem to care (he has passed the previous 3 years). I have tried multiple strategies to engage him and just can't seem to. I have a junior who sits in the back of the room with a blank stare and completes just about 5% of his work. I have a freshman who comes to school just about once a month and each time she does, is asked to leave because she starts a fight with someone in the class and I have another freshman who comes to school high some mornings....and then I have 5 fantastic students who are on time to class every single day, who greet me in and out of the classroom, who ask how my day was or how my family was, who ask questions and want to succeed in class but also beyond. Those 5 students are some of the most resilent and fantastic individuals I have met...they show up and they might be hungry, or upset from the night before, or tired but they give 100% and are respectful and those are the 5 that I teach too. I wish I could say all 14 of mine have those same characteristics, but you know what...if I can teach to those 5 and help the other 9 to change their life in SOME aspect, then I will have succeeded.
One more week...5 more days to teach...5 days to make a HUGE impact in one of those children's lives...I can do it.
--------------------------------------------
P.S. On another note, I got a huge compliment on Tuesday...I now have an instructional aide working in my classroom 3 periods during the day. He is fantastic and a huge help to both me but also the students. But, the students were all not that receptive to having a "stranger" in the room and on Tuesday were asking me questions about why we need him, what he will do, etc and my one student (who is usually awesome, but not always) said,
"But you are such a great teacher-you don't need any help. You do just fine on your own."
Oh, if only he knew how much stress he causes me!!!!!
This is not to say I have given up. I think that I have done anything but that. But, I think I have begun to get frustrated that my students don't necessarily care about their learning and/or grades. They sit in class, some listen and some don't, and then they complain or tear the quiz up when they can't answer the questions. If they would half the effort into their learning as they do with their disruptions, their potential would soar. Class would be enjoyable 95% of the time and we would have WAY more fun than we are right now. The same handful of students continue to give me problems and I have now resorted to trying to work with them, but also dismissing them from class for the day...it gets to them more than they admit to me.
The second grading period ends next Friday and I have a senior who is failing 5 out of 6 of his classes and doesn't seem to care (he has passed the previous 3 years). I have tried multiple strategies to engage him and just can't seem to. I have a junior who sits in the back of the room with a blank stare and completes just about 5% of his work. I have a freshman who comes to school just about once a month and each time she does, is asked to leave because she starts a fight with someone in the class and I have another freshman who comes to school high some mornings....and then I have 5 fantastic students who are on time to class every single day, who greet me in and out of the classroom, who ask how my day was or how my family was, who ask questions and want to succeed in class but also beyond. Those 5 students are some of the most resilent and fantastic individuals I have met...they show up and they might be hungry, or upset from the night before, or tired but they give 100% and are respectful and those are the 5 that I teach too. I wish I could say all 14 of mine have those same characteristics, but you know what...if I can teach to those 5 and help the other 9 to change their life in SOME aspect, then I will have succeeded.
One more week...5 more days to teach...5 days to make a HUGE impact in one of those children's lives...I can do it.
--------------------------------------------
P.S. On another note, I got a huge compliment on Tuesday...I now have an instructional aide working in my classroom 3 periods during the day. He is fantastic and a huge help to both me but also the students. But, the students were all not that receptive to having a "stranger" in the room and on Tuesday were asking me questions about why we need him, what he will do, etc and my one student (who is usually awesome, but not always) said,
"But you are such a great teacher-you don't need any help. You do just fine on your own."
Oh, if only he knew how much stress he causes me!!!!!
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Dis-illusionment
The typical 1st year teacher's cycle looks something like this:
Anticipation - July, August
Survival - September
Disillusionment - October, November, December
Rejuvenation - January, February, March
Reflection - April, May, June
I will be honest, I was not feeling disillusioned until my assistant principal wrote me an e-mail a week ago expressing her concern for me (in a good way) and telling me that if I can make it to holiday break, that I will have survived the year. Disillusionment can be characterized by feelings of being overwhelmed, constantly stressed, exhausted, sick, and more. I think that in my case, it mostly is just exhaustion. This week I was truly exhausted....I get enough sleep and I eat and I exercise but the emotional toll that these students take on me is exhausting. And I have a long way to go until December 18th...well, about 6 weeks (I think that is the countdown).
I went to church this morning and in a way, it revitalized me. The pastor was talking about being a leader in the workplace and how your leadership is temporary and God has placed you there to influence and lead others in the right direction. I think it bascially summarizes me teaching in Oakland. It reminded me that my students look to me for guidance, for knowledge and to teach them in order to elevate them to a new level. It reminded me that I lead my classroom in the direction it is going to go for that day. And it reminded me to have fun along the way, to celebrate small successes and learn from small failures. After all, I am a first year teacher and everything is nowhere near perfect and that is okay. I still have my students who look to me as the expert and it is my job to enable them to achieve.
So, here I am...sitting in the period of dis-illusionment and if this is the worst that it gets, I can handle it. Exhaustion just means I am working as hard as possible to make my classroom and my students the best it can be. And until December 18th, that is exactly what I will be doing.
Anticipation - July, August
Survival - September
Disillusionment - October, November, December
Rejuvenation - January, February, March
Reflection - April, May, June
I will be honest, I was not feeling disillusioned until my assistant principal wrote me an e-mail a week ago expressing her concern for me (in a good way) and telling me that if I can make it to holiday break, that I will have survived the year. Disillusionment can be characterized by feelings of being overwhelmed, constantly stressed, exhausted, sick, and more. I think that in my case, it mostly is just exhaustion. This week I was truly exhausted....I get enough sleep and I eat and I exercise but the emotional toll that these students take on me is exhausting. And I have a long way to go until December 18th...well, about 6 weeks (I think that is the countdown).
I went to church this morning and in a way, it revitalized me. The pastor was talking about being a leader in the workplace and how your leadership is temporary and God has placed you there to influence and lead others in the right direction. I think it bascially summarizes me teaching in Oakland. It reminded me that my students look to me for guidance, for knowledge and to teach them in order to elevate them to a new level. It reminded me that I lead my classroom in the direction it is going to go for that day. And it reminded me to have fun along the way, to celebrate small successes and learn from small failures. After all, I am a first year teacher and everything is nowhere near perfect and that is okay. I still have my students who look to me as the expert and it is my job to enable them to achieve.
So, here I am...sitting in the period of dis-illusionment and if this is the worst that it gets, I can handle it. Exhaustion just means I am working as hard as possible to make my classroom and my students the best it can be. And until December 18th, that is exactly what I will be doing.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Biggest compliment in the world!
So a student of mine (one of mine who typically gets in trouble) stayed in my class for lunch and made the past 7 weeks all worth it...He started out by asking me if he was going to be allowed to stay in my class for the rest of his high school career and I wasn't clear on what he was asking me so I tried to clarify. He just said that he wanted to stay in my class and that most of his past teachers didn't want him in the class and were very mean to him and others.
I explained to him that I love having him in class and that I can't just kick a student out....he went on to say the following:
Student: Ms. S., you are cool. You have been to prom (a conversation from earlier in the day), you treat me real fair and nice, and I like being in your class.
Me: Thanks, that means more than you know. I think that I try and be as fair as possible and demand a lot from you, but that we also can have fun too at times. I am glad you like being here.
Student: A lot of my past teachers have been real mean. They end up getting hit by students.
Me: I hope that is not going to happen in my class...
Student: NO WAY Ms. S! I really like you as my teacher and so does everyone else in the class. No one would ever do that to you and I would protect you.
Me: Thanks....
Just when I think I can't handle another day of getting cussed at, argued with and fought with a student comes through. In 7 weeks, I have made a difference in this child's life. My strict classroom behavior and expectations for them have shined through....for a student who I have regularly asked to leave class, I got through to him. I know that him and I will have more bad days in the future, but I don't take it personal....this student has had a whole history of terrible educational experiences. In 7 weeks, I have made progress with him by being consistent, positive and academically engaging.
I may not hear those same sentiments from other students whether or not they think like he does or not....but for one student, he likes coming to my classroom and wants to remain with me for the rest of his high school career. This is why I teach in Oakland....
I explained to him that I love having him in class and that I can't just kick a student out....he went on to say the following:
Student: Ms. S., you are cool. You have been to prom (a conversation from earlier in the day), you treat me real fair and nice, and I like being in your class.
Me: Thanks, that means more than you know. I think that I try and be as fair as possible and demand a lot from you, but that we also can have fun too at times. I am glad you like being here.
Student: A lot of my past teachers have been real mean. They end up getting hit by students.
Me: I hope that is not going to happen in my class...
Student: NO WAY Ms. S! I really like you as my teacher and so does everyone else in the class. No one would ever do that to you and I would protect you.
Me: Thanks....
Just when I think I can't handle another day of getting cussed at, argued with and fought with a student comes through. In 7 weeks, I have made a difference in this child's life. My strict classroom behavior and expectations for them have shined through....for a student who I have regularly asked to leave class, I got through to him. I know that him and I will have more bad days in the future, but I don't take it personal....this student has had a whole history of terrible educational experiences. In 7 weeks, I have made progress with him by being consistent, positive and academically engaging.
I may not hear those same sentiments from other students whether or not they think like he does or not....but for one student, he likes coming to my classroom and wants to remain with me for the rest of his high school career. This is why I teach in Oakland....
Friday, October 9, 2009
Maybe a lil glimmer of hope
Well, I might have seen a slight glimmer of hope but I don't want to speak TOO soon. I actually enjoyed myself this week at work, for the first time. I enjoyed teaching, we had fun, my students took 2 tests and did pretty well. And I only had to kick out 2 students ALL week. Maybe, just maybe my consistency is paying off...but again, don't want to speak too soon. Today, we had a day off and it was SO nice to be able to work in the classroom for a few hours because I haven't done much work since school began and I got to update things and get it cleaned up.
We have Back to School Night next Thursday evening where we have a pot luck (teachers have to bring a dish) and we hand out report cards (1st grading period) and we meet with parents...typically not very many come, but we will see. I also got put in charge of Homecoming for the football team...I have NO time to do any of this but I am going to try and make it fun. I am trying to coordinate a parade, similar to what we did at USC for each of the grades to compete against each other with a golf cart.
But my students and I built balloon towers yesterday in class. The males competed against the females and the males ended up winning by 2 inches. It was SO much fun! And finally the first GREAT bonding experience between all my students. AND another HUGE step was that I had kids read aloud in English class. I usually can only convince two students to read aloud but yesterday I used a new strategy and got all but two kids to read aloud...it was a BIG step!
But alas, this weekend I will be working on putting together lesson plans for next week and completing IEPS. Let's see how next week goes...hopefully more teaching and less babysitting
We have Back to School Night next Thursday evening where we have a pot luck (teachers have to bring a dish) and we hand out report cards (1st grading period) and we meet with parents...typically not very many come, but we will see. I also got put in charge of Homecoming for the football team...I have NO time to do any of this but I am going to try and make it fun. I am trying to coordinate a parade, similar to what we did at USC for each of the grades to compete against each other with a golf cart.
But my students and I built balloon towers yesterday in class. The males competed against the females and the males ended up winning by 2 inches. It was SO much fun! And finally the first GREAT bonding experience between all my students. AND another HUGE step was that I had kids read aloud in English class. I usually can only convince two students to read aloud but yesterday I used a new strategy and got all but two kids to read aloud...it was a BIG step!
But alas, this weekend I will be working on putting together lesson plans for next week and completing IEPS. Let's see how next week goes...hopefully more teaching and less babysitting
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Wow
Well, this week has been a complete experience. I think my class has hit just about where it typically is (evidenced by some of the students comments and others actions). This week, fighting has been a norm, verbal arguments have been typical and I have felt like a manager of behavior trying to prevent fights rather than teaching. I had a breakdown yesterday and scheduled a meeting with my principal and assistant principal to discuss action steps because the class couldn't continue like it was. Two of my female students asked me at separate times:
1. Why are people so mean?
2. I hate coming to school because I have to deal with these people in the classroom and security is constantly inside.
I just hate the fact that I have 6-7 incredible students who come to school because they want to learn and I have not been able to fully teach them because I am managing the other 6-7 people in the classroom. So anyway, I relayed all this information and more to my principal yesterday and felt much better after I left.
Today, I dismissed half of the class for either classroom behavior (refusing to sit in their seat, rapping inappropriately-my vocabulary has been largely expanded, or just pure dis-respect) and the other half of class for fighting. Each of them will be having a parent-teacher-student conference tomorrow before they are allowed back in class. So, I hope that we sent a message to them today not to mess around and that class is for learning and for nothing else. It is seriously just crazy how short their tempers are and how inappropriate some of their language towards one another is.
But alas, I show up and I teach and I support and I am here. The end of the 1st grading period is next week and it will be a major wake-up call to many students in my class. They receive a grade for being on time and completing the warm-up and 95% of my students are NOT in class to do that warm-up which is pathetic that they don't care. So the average grade in each of my classes is a D......really sad.
Here is to Friday and hopefully the good that results from dismissing students from class for the day.
1. Why are people so mean?
2. I hate coming to school because I have to deal with these people in the classroom and security is constantly inside.
I just hate the fact that I have 6-7 incredible students who come to school because they want to learn and I have not been able to fully teach them because I am managing the other 6-7 people in the classroom. So anyway, I relayed all this information and more to my principal yesterday and felt much better after I left.
Today, I dismissed half of the class for either classroom behavior (refusing to sit in their seat, rapping inappropriately-my vocabulary has been largely expanded, or just pure dis-respect) and the other half of class for fighting. Each of them will be having a parent-teacher-student conference tomorrow before they are allowed back in class. So, I hope that we sent a message to them today not to mess around and that class is for learning and for nothing else. It is seriously just crazy how short their tempers are and how inappropriate some of their language towards one another is.
But alas, I show up and I teach and I support and I am here. The end of the 1st grading period is next week and it will be a major wake-up call to many students in my class. They receive a grade for being on time and completing the warm-up and 95% of my students are NOT in class to do that warm-up which is pathetic that they don't care. So the average grade in each of my classes is a D......really sad.
Here is to Friday and hopefully the good that results from dismissing students from class for the day.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
A doozy of a day...
I thought I should blog about today while it was fresh in my mind and before I forget the sheer emotion that came out throughout the day. I have great intuition and just had a feeling this morning that I was in for a not so great day and boy, was I correct.
We got through 1st period just fine with the students super engaged and on task; it helped that my principal stopped by for half of the period. But, then the start of 2nd period came and here is where we never recovered. One of my male students came in late rapping loudly and I reminded him that if he is late he needs to come in quietly and start the warm-up. He gave me attitude but sat down and I was giving more directions when a female student (who is 6 months pregnant) told the male student to stop rapping so she could hear my instructions. He got upset, started rapping about her and before I knew it both students were out of their seats cussing at one another and starting to talk about how they should go outside to fight. I asked the male student to remove himself from the room when he said, 'I am cool. F**k no, I am not going outside.' I went outside to try and track down a security guard when I saw my assistant principal and asked her to escort a student. She came inside and it quickly got worse. With the help of other students we got the male student outside, and people restrained the female student. I think what absolutely floored me is that this population of students feels that it is TOTALLY okay to speak to whoever with dis-respect. It DOES NOT matter if you are a male or female-totally bizarre. And from that point until lunch, I just lost the class. People were running their mouth, walking around the room, not listening. It was just terrible. And for the 1st time, with 20 minutes to go, I just gave up. I did because no one was listening and nothing I did was changing that.
I sat in my room during lunch and cried when an air conditioner technician walked through the door to fix my air conditioner and instead just sat with me for an hour. I had never met the man but for an hour, he listened and affirmed that indeed, I am doing a noble thing and I am making a difference. The pure fact that I show up, and care (evident by my frustration in crying) is more than these students will ever express and at some point in the year, 2-3 of them will reap the rewards of my hard work. I truly believe that at that moment, God was watching down on me because he was just about the nicest stranger I have ever met and I walked away knowing that I cannot give up.
I blame my students for their behavior and they are in control of what they say and what they do BUT I also don't blame them to a certain extent because in their everyday environment they constantly see it around them.
I walked away super frustrated and upset today but with my tears dried up because a stranger told me that I could call him anytime if I ever need to hear that I am doing something good in this world and that these kids need me.
So, here's to Friday and the students who show up to learn and the tough face that I will put on when I walk into my classroom.
We got through 1st period just fine with the students super engaged and on task; it helped that my principal stopped by for half of the period. But, then the start of 2nd period came and here is where we never recovered. One of my male students came in late rapping loudly and I reminded him that if he is late he needs to come in quietly and start the warm-up. He gave me attitude but sat down and I was giving more directions when a female student (who is 6 months pregnant) told the male student to stop rapping so she could hear my instructions. He got upset, started rapping about her and before I knew it both students were out of their seats cussing at one another and starting to talk about how they should go outside to fight. I asked the male student to remove himself from the room when he said, 'I am cool. F**k no, I am not going outside.' I went outside to try and track down a security guard when I saw my assistant principal and asked her to escort a student. She came inside and it quickly got worse. With the help of other students we got the male student outside, and people restrained the female student. I think what absolutely floored me is that this population of students feels that it is TOTALLY okay to speak to whoever with dis-respect. It DOES NOT matter if you are a male or female-totally bizarre. And from that point until lunch, I just lost the class. People were running their mouth, walking around the room, not listening. It was just terrible. And for the 1st time, with 20 minutes to go, I just gave up. I did because no one was listening and nothing I did was changing that.
I sat in my room during lunch and cried when an air conditioner technician walked through the door to fix my air conditioner and instead just sat with me for an hour. I had never met the man but for an hour, he listened and affirmed that indeed, I am doing a noble thing and I am making a difference. The pure fact that I show up, and care (evident by my frustration in crying) is more than these students will ever express and at some point in the year, 2-3 of them will reap the rewards of my hard work. I truly believe that at that moment, God was watching down on me because he was just about the nicest stranger I have ever met and I walked away knowing that I cannot give up.
I blame my students for their behavior and they are in control of what they say and what they do BUT I also don't blame them to a certain extent because in their everyday environment they constantly see it around them.
I walked away super frustrated and upset today but with my tears dried up because a stranger told me that I could call him anytime if I ever need to hear that I am doing something good in this world and that these kids need me.
So, here's to Friday and the students who show up to learn and the tough face that I will put on when I walk into my classroom.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Made it through the 10th day of teaching...
And I couldn't be more excited. Although week 2 did not hold a fist fight, it did hold other stories that tried and tested my patience, my determination and my will. There are just a couple of highlights that I will share and then I want to write about my initial opinion into OUSD and just why this job is so challenging.
I continue to get new students everyday. Now, for some this may not seem like a big deal but in my class, each new student adds a new dynamic to the class, a new personality for me to get used to, another student to figure out what they can and can not do, and another worry of who they will get along with and who they won't. The last two students who joined my class are both out from juvenile hall. The good is they are on parole and have to be on their best behavior; the bad is they scare me, a little bit.
My favorite student (being sarcastic) continues to test me for the 4.5 hours he is in my class. He has the most ability in my class and should be in general education classes but is in my class because of his behavior. When I have the opportunity to work with him 1 v 1 or talk with him 1 v 1, he is great and gets exactly what he should and should not be doing. But, Wednesday and Thursday I had to kick him out of class for inappropriate behavior, language, gestures and on Thursday a female student and him got into a verbal argument. Bizarre! I am still waiting for the one student who has been in the class in the past to show up-he is a handful and will completly change the class dynamic...he was on campus on Friday which makes me think he may come on Monday-I need to get the F**k ready.
But all in all...we are learning. Maybe not as quickly as I would like and not as effective as it could be, but we are learning. And I show up each and everyday to teach and be there for the 18 kids in my class. I am still constantly looking for new techniques and new ways of doing things, but as my Mom reminded me, I have only been teaching for 10 days.
OUSD is an interesting place. The services or lack thereof are absolutly incredible. One such story is about textbooks. If you are familar with the Williams Law, you know that it promises students the right to have a textbook in every class, to have the classrooms clean and so forth. So, people come around to the different schools and check the classes to make sure that there are textbooks for every student. Well, Friday afternoon my principal called an emergency meeting and proceeded to tell us that we just got the shipment of books in and that we need to disperse them to each classroom and then Monday afternoon they will take the shipment away. So, OUSD has hired a man who drives around a van transporting textbooks to drop off at schools before the Williams people arrive and then he picks them up to take them to the next school. Illegal? YES! Crazy? YES!
There are many moments during the day where I challenge what I am doing, but I am growing tough skin and realizing that I am doing the best that I can. And I can only get better. So, here's to the next 10 days of teaching....
I continue to get new students everyday. Now, for some this may not seem like a big deal but in my class, each new student adds a new dynamic to the class, a new personality for me to get used to, another student to figure out what they can and can not do, and another worry of who they will get along with and who they won't. The last two students who joined my class are both out from juvenile hall. The good is they are on parole and have to be on their best behavior; the bad is they scare me, a little bit.
My favorite student (being sarcastic) continues to test me for the 4.5 hours he is in my class. He has the most ability in my class and should be in general education classes but is in my class because of his behavior. When I have the opportunity to work with him 1 v 1 or talk with him 1 v 1, he is great and gets exactly what he should and should not be doing. But, Wednesday and Thursday I had to kick him out of class for inappropriate behavior, language, gestures and on Thursday a female student and him got into a verbal argument. Bizarre! I am still waiting for the one student who has been in the class in the past to show up-he is a handful and will completly change the class dynamic...he was on campus on Friday which makes me think he may come on Monday-I need to get the F**k ready.
But all in all...we are learning. Maybe not as quickly as I would like and not as effective as it could be, but we are learning. And I show up each and everyday to teach and be there for the 18 kids in my class. I am still constantly looking for new techniques and new ways of doing things, but as my Mom reminded me, I have only been teaching for 10 days.
OUSD is an interesting place. The services or lack thereof are absolutly incredible. One such story is about textbooks. If you are familar with the Williams Law, you know that it promises students the right to have a textbook in every class, to have the classrooms clean and so forth. So, people come around to the different schools and check the classes to make sure that there are textbooks for every student. Well, Friday afternoon my principal called an emergency meeting and proceeded to tell us that we just got the shipment of books in and that we need to disperse them to each classroom and then Monday afternoon they will take the shipment away. So, OUSD has hired a man who drives around a van transporting textbooks to drop off at schools before the Williams people arrive and then he picks them up to take them to the next school. Illegal? YES! Crazy? YES!
There are many moments during the day where I challenge what I am doing, but I am growing tough skin and realizing that I am doing the best that I can. And I can only get better. So, here's to the next 10 days of teaching....
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Almost the end of the 1st week-shit
What a first week it has been! I have cried (multiple times), been so nervous I couldn't sleep, been so anxious I couldn't eat, laughed, smiled and gotten to know 12 amazing high school students in the process. I knew this was going to be difficult but I don't think I actually knew just how hard and exhausting this was going to be. At times, I see myself making a difference in these students lives but at times, they test and try me to almost the end of my string before I catch myself and take a deep breath and use a calming voice with each one of them...
Where to begin?
-Maybe I should begin when the fist fight broke out in class.
-Or when a girl confronted a boy and the boy said to her, 'You better sit down or I am going to F*** you and your baby up'...she is 6 months pregnant.
-Or when a student who is only in special education because of his behavior whispered in my ear today, "Ms. S-when do you think we could work on getting me into general education? I am ready to prove that I am ready."
-Or when I get asked every period of every day if I like EOSA. I respond "yes" and then the student(s) proceed to tell me, "Just get ready-you haven't seen anything yet. It is just the 3rd day of school." Scary part is...I feel like I have seen and heard it all but they are right-there is more to come, I am sure of it.
It is fact that 8 out of every 10 students at my high school have experience a medium size trauma whether that be a death in their family due to a violent crime, a sex act committed to them, an emotional disturbance that occurred, or something else. These students talk matter of factly about getting shot (a student in my class just had gotten shot in the arm-he had a full arm cast and another student is in a wheelchair because he got shot at the age of 10), friends and family dying from gang violence, HIV (the rate is VERY high in East Oakland), rape (also very high in teens in East Oakland), and I have 3 students who are pregnant. I just hope that I can expose them to what is out there and prove to them that by working hard in the classroom, they can get out of east oakland and what they know. Right now, they dont believe a word I say because I am a total stranger to them and one they think is going to walk out on them. They also ask me every single day if I am going to leave because for these kids, that is all they know.
Well let me say that even though I have had my fair share of breakdowns in the first week, I am staying. They can push me and challenge me and make me seriously go crazy, but I will get through to them. I will win their trust and I will show them the endless possibilities they have for their life. For my students it may not be college but it can be a job and a good job-not one at fast food or Wal-Mart.
They are smart and for the most part, work hard. But they can be smarter and they can work harder. I have been pushing "every minute counts" as a class motto (it has yet to be picked up by the students) but the rate of absences and tardies is unbelieveable. If only they realized that every minute does count.
There are endless challenges in front of me. Each one I face with a smile on my face and the determination to keep working...for now, that is all I got. I am not the best teacher, I don't use the best tactics and I am learning each and everyday. But, I will earn their trust and we will work so that they can each change the world-in the way that they each want to....
Where to begin?
-Maybe I should begin when the fist fight broke out in class.
-Or when a girl confronted a boy and the boy said to her, 'You better sit down or I am going to F*** you and your baby up'...she is 6 months pregnant.
-Or when a student who is only in special education because of his behavior whispered in my ear today, "Ms. S-when do you think we could work on getting me into general education? I am ready to prove that I am ready."
-Or when I get asked every period of every day if I like EOSA. I respond "yes" and then the student(s) proceed to tell me, "Just get ready-you haven't seen anything yet. It is just the 3rd day of school." Scary part is...I feel like I have seen and heard it all but they are right-there is more to come, I am sure of it.
It is fact that 8 out of every 10 students at my high school have experience a medium size trauma whether that be a death in their family due to a violent crime, a sex act committed to them, an emotional disturbance that occurred, or something else. These students talk matter of factly about getting shot (a student in my class just had gotten shot in the arm-he had a full arm cast and another student is in a wheelchair because he got shot at the age of 10), friends and family dying from gang violence, HIV (the rate is VERY high in East Oakland), rape (also very high in teens in East Oakland), and I have 3 students who are pregnant. I just hope that I can expose them to what is out there and prove to them that by working hard in the classroom, they can get out of east oakland and what they know. Right now, they dont believe a word I say because I am a total stranger to them and one they think is going to walk out on them. They also ask me every single day if I am going to leave because for these kids, that is all they know.
Well let me say that even though I have had my fair share of breakdowns in the first week, I am staying. They can push me and challenge me and make me seriously go crazy, but I will get through to them. I will win their trust and I will show them the endless possibilities they have for their life. For my students it may not be college but it can be a job and a good job-not one at fast food or Wal-Mart.
They are smart and for the most part, work hard. But they can be smarter and they can work harder. I have been pushing "every minute counts" as a class motto (it has yet to be picked up by the students) but the rate of absences and tardies is unbelieveable. If only they realized that every minute does count.
There are endless challenges in front of me. Each one I face with a smile on my face and the determination to keep working...for now, that is all I got. I am not the best teacher, I don't use the best tactics and I am learning each and everyday. But, I will earn their trust and we will work so that they can each change the world-in the way that they each want to....
Saturday, August 29, 2009
36 hours and counting...
Well my class is as prepared as I am going to get it before 8:10 am arrives on Monday morning and 14 eager students show up to portable 2 for english and history class! I did the best I could with what I was working with-yes, my air conditioning is broken...yes, the sinks have ants in them...yes, the tile floor is filthy...and yes, the carpet is taped together. BUT, I created an environment that I think shows love, compassion and a place where learning can and will take place.
In the last two weeks, I have been briefed on school policies, some of my students behaviors, phone numbers to call when I need help, lock down procedures, what to do if I see a gun, and how to handle all my belongings to make sure they are still there at the end of the day. But I have also become even more passionate about working at my school with my students. Why? They are resilent and show up to school when most of us would not. They continue coming because they know it is an environment where they are loved but also because they want to learn. Many of them have many other commitments outside of school that prevents them from coming on time or even at all. But, yet they still come. I am excited to put faces to all the names I have been hearing. I can't wait to meet them on Monday morning!
Here's to the achievement of all 31 of my students this year. I have set two BIG Goals for each one of them-
1. Each student will gain 1.5 years in their reading level by the end of the year
2. As a class, we will master 80% of the U.S. history standards set forth by the state.
I am excited and hopeful. As long as they show up, learning will take place.....
:)
Ms. S
In the last two weeks, I have been briefed on school policies, some of my students behaviors, phone numbers to call when I need help, lock down procedures, what to do if I see a gun, and how to handle all my belongings to make sure they are still there at the end of the day. But I have also become even more passionate about working at my school with my students. Why? They are resilent and show up to school when most of us would not. They continue coming because they know it is an environment where they are loved but also because they want to learn. Many of them have many other commitments outside of school that prevents them from coming on time or even at all. But, yet they still come. I am excited to put faces to all the names I have been hearing. I can't wait to meet them on Monday morning!
Here's to the achievement of all 31 of my students this year. I have set two BIG Goals for each one of them-
1. Each student will gain 1.5 years in their reading level by the end of the year
2. As a class, we will master 80% of the U.S. history standards set forth by the state.
I am excited and hopeful. As long as they show up, learning will take place.....
:)
Ms. S
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Day 1 is coming....
I finished summer school and summer institute. I had 6 weeks inside a classroom co-teaching and also 6 weeks of summer institute where I was taught by a kick-ass master. I walked away excited for the upcoming school year and with a whole "toolkit" to take to my own classroom. I was ready!
Fast forward 2 weeks.....
I am all on my own-no direction from a single individual and I am sitting at my kitchen counter wondering where the hell to begin. I will be teaching 4 subjects starting August 31st-history, science, english and math. I think I will have anywhere from 15-20 students who I cannot wait to meet! But where shall I begin?
Today I made a big trip to Office Depot and spent entirely way too much money on supplies that are totally needed in my classroom. I then proceeded to Barnes and Noble where I bought 15 books as the start to my class library. I am also proud to say I received my first donation of 15 books bringing me to 30.
I have planned out every bulletin board but have no idea what my classroom looks like and have not worked on actually creating those beautiful bulletin boards.
I have a basic idea of what the first week will look like, but have not done ANY lesson plans.
I have no CLUE what my unit plans will look like for math and english depending on the diagnostic results of my students AND the IEPS for them, which I have yet to see. I do know the science and history standards and thus need to start those unit plans for the first semester.
Overwhelmed? YES!
Nervous? YES!
Excited? YES!
All I keep going back to is my students faces at 8:10 am on August 31st when they walk into my classroom...what will they be thinking in the first 2 minutes where I will be judged and it will be hard to change those 1st opinions?
Here's to my 1st year teaching...and every single day that I have the opportunity and privilege to teach the leaders of tomorrow. I want them to change the world. We NEED them to change the world, but I hope they change me. I hope they teach me.
I can't wait to get started!
Fast forward 2 weeks.....
I am all on my own-no direction from a single individual and I am sitting at my kitchen counter wondering where the hell to begin. I will be teaching 4 subjects starting August 31st-history, science, english and math. I think I will have anywhere from 15-20 students who I cannot wait to meet! But where shall I begin?
Today I made a big trip to Office Depot and spent entirely way too much money on supplies that are totally needed in my classroom. I then proceeded to Barnes and Noble where I bought 15 books as the start to my class library. I am also proud to say I received my first donation of 15 books bringing me to 30.
I have planned out every bulletin board but have no idea what my classroom looks like and have not worked on actually creating those beautiful bulletin boards.
I have a basic idea of what the first week will look like, but have not done ANY lesson plans.
I have no CLUE what my unit plans will look like for math and english depending on the diagnostic results of my students AND the IEPS for them, which I have yet to see. I do know the science and history standards and thus need to start those unit plans for the first semester.
Overwhelmed? YES!
Nervous? YES!
Excited? YES!
All I keep going back to is my students faces at 8:10 am on August 31st when they walk into my classroom...what will they be thinking in the first 2 minutes where I will be judged and it will be hard to change those 1st opinions?
Here's to my 1st year teaching...and every single day that I have the opportunity and privilege to teach the leaders of tomorrow. I want them to change the world. We NEED them to change the world, but I hope they change me. I hope they teach me.
I can't wait to get started!
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