What a first week it has been! I have cried (multiple times), been so nervous I couldn't sleep, been so anxious I couldn't eat, laughed, smiled and gotten to know 12 amazing high school students in the process. I knew this was going to be difficult but I don't think I actually knew just how hard and exhausting this was going to be. At times, I see myself making a difference in these students lives but at times, they test and try me to almost the end of my string before I catch myself and take a deep breath and use a calming voice with each one of them...
Where to begin?
-Maybe I should begin when the fist fight broke out in class.
-Or when a girl confronted a boy and the boy said to her, 'You better sit down or I am going to F*** you and your baby up'...she is 6 months pregnant.
-Or when a student who is only in special education because of his behavior whispered in my ear today, "Ms. S-when do you think we could work on getting me into general education? I am ready to prove that I am ready."
-Or when I get asked every period of every day if I like EOSA. I respond "yes" and then the student(s) proceed to tell me, "Just get ready-you haven't seen anything yet. It is just the 3rd day of school." Scary part is...I feel like I have seen and heard it all but they are right-there is more to come, I am sure of it.
It is fact that 8 out of every 10 students at my high school have experience a medium size trauma whether that be a death in their family due to a violent crime, a sex act committed to them, an emotional disturbance that occurred, or something else. These students talk matter of factly about getting shot (a student in my class just had gotten shot in the arm-he had a full arm cast and another student is in a wheelchair because he got shot at the age of 10), friends and family dying from gang violence, HIV (the rate is VERY high in East Oakland), rape (also very high in teens in East Oakland), and I have 3 students who are pregnant. I just hope that I can expose them to what is out there and prove to them that by working hard in the classroom, they can get out of east oakland and what they know. Right now, they dont believe a word I say because I am a total stranger to them and one they think is going to walk out on them. They also ask me every single day if I am going to leave because for these kids, that is all they know.
Well let me say that even though I have had my fair share of breakdowns in the first week, I am staying. They can push me and challenge me and make me seriously go crazy, but I will get through to them. I will win their trust and I will show them the endless possibilities they have for their life. For my students it may not be college but it can be a job and a good job-not one at fast food or Wal-Mart.
They are smart and for the most part, work hard. But they can be smarter and they can work harder. I have been pushing "every minute counts" as a class motto (it has yet to be picked up by the students) but the rate of absences and tardies is unbelieveable. If only they realized that every minute does count.
There are endless challenges in front of me. Each one I face with a smile on my face and the determination to keep working...for now, that is all I got. I am not the best teacher, I don't use the best tactics and I am learning each and everyday. But, I will earn their trust and we will work so that they can each change the world-in the way that they each want to....
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