Brought me back...

I had a moment today that brought me back to year # 1. What do you do when an adult wants to physically fight a young person? What do you when both students involved are on your caseload? How do you talk "down" a mother, someone who is your elder, a person from the community, when they are so passionately angry?

The easy answer is to walk away. The easy answer is to turn your back and come back tomorrow forgetting what today brought.

But, in life I have learned there is no easy answer.

So instead, I tried and I failed. I failed to protect the institution of education today. I failed to protect two young people among hundreds. I failed to connect with a passionate parent.

And instead, I cried. I cried during 4th period by myself. I cried because it is painful to watch. It is painful to watch. It is painful to not fully understand one's circumstance despite trying. It is painful to feel helpless. It is painful to feel useless in a situation that so desperately needed me.

And while I cried two students I care deeply for fought among adults.

And then to cap the day off, I held a meeting with a family where the family cried. They cried because they know their young daughter can do so well in school, can graduate and go on to be successful. And again, I watched. I watched feeling empathy and determined to not give up.

Four years after I began this journey, days continue to be just as tough as year 1.

Our superintendent is resigning, our director of special education resigned and so many other teachers will walk out at the end of the school year. I cannot be one of them and that is why I stay. The community I teach in deserves to be a community filled with hope, love, resources and equality. I will have successes this year...today was just not one of them.