Students calling themselves "stupid"...

It breaks my heart. To see anyone especially a young person call themselves "stupid" or dumb...it usually happens as a joke but today this young lady was serious and it broke my heart.

I have gotten two new female students recently. Both nice, mostly respectful young ladies who have not succeeded in school. Both have moved around, have pretty terrible attendance and are very unengaged in school.

One of the girls today refused to do the work in history even when I was working with her 1 v 1 and just kept repeating "I am so dumb. I am stupid-I can't do this. I am stupid." So, we stopped and talked outside....her tears just came coming as I spoke. I reinforced what a brilliant mind she has, the potential she has and cited examples that I have seen in 3 short weeks. I tried as best as possible to build her up so that she could believe what I already know-just what an incredible human being she is. She couldn't stop crying and wouldn't talk to me about it so I asked to give her a hug and we went back to class. It broke my heart because I know there is a LOT MORE she has to say/feel inside.

It makes me wonder if anyone has ever confirmed her brilliance and her talent and her ability. I have no idea what home life is and I don't want to infer. But, something is causing her to call herself stupid over and over again in school.

From there, she just went downhill and had some moderate behavior problems today. She went on to yell at me and tell me that I don't care, I don't care about teaching, listening or anything. I think that not many things deep down get to me, but this did. It was really hard to have her tell me that I don't care. I care more than any of those young people probably realize. I think about the students E.V.E.R.Y single day...I think about what will motivate them, what they need to learn to succeed, opportunities I can provide for them, and just how important my time is for their life.

I can only hope that she will begin to see just how much I care about her and her education.

Beaming....

I only have a couple of minutes before one of my last credential classes, but I wanted to get my feelings on paper because I am really proud of both myself and my students....

I had an IEP meeting today with a senior and it was just great. It was awesome to spend time with her and her Mom, discuss her bright future, be told our school has been a great fit for her (only there for 1 year), and leave the meeting knowing I have made a difference in this young lady's life. Her mental health therapist was also at the meeting and paid me a huge compliment. She said that the program I have built the last two years if by far the best she has seen during her time on our campus. She went on to say that it is evident the students feel safe in here and therefore, are learning more as a result.

Then, in the afternoon I have been pulling two of my students out of their art/music elective class to work on reading. Both are non-readers. I am also learning to teach reading; it is much more difficult than I ever expected. But, during these sessions we work on phonemic awareness, fluency, sight words and then read a play together. Throughout the last 6 weeks, I have seen their confidence grow. They are more willing to try to sound out a word and work together to decode it.....today they told me both they feel GOOD about their reading ability. This is AMAZING to think about. The fact that they both realize their abilities, they are both 17 and can dedicate themselves to becoming better readers is not easy. It is difficult to leave your "pride" at the door and commit to something that has been so frustrating all of your life. After they told me that these sessions are helping their reading and that they notice a difference, we read a play we had already read as I wanted to see their progress. It was incredible to watch them read fluently, not stumble and if they did sound out the word instead of guessing.

My heart filled with pride and excitement for these two young people. I believe that with more time (next school year) I will be able to help these two great students improve their reading so they can be "functional" in the world. I can't wait!

Everyone has their own timeline....

I feel discouraged, sad and upset about the current education system in California. I feel deeply hurt and upset when I think about the status of my school next year. I feel even more disheartened when I think deeply about some of the students I have served who have since left my school. Where are they? Will they ever finish high school?

I just read another teacher's blog and she said something that resonates deeply with me. I feel like I HAVE TO believe in it with my whole heart in order to continue to have the motivation to teach where I do.

"Every student has their own timeline. I might be the right person at the wrong time.Students leave me and I trust that something down the line will pick them up and carry them where they need to go."

I like to think that when students drop out, go to juvenile hall or get kicked out that someone/something down the line will carry them where they need to go. But, in Oakland I just hear so many stories about failure especially when talking about African American stories.

The state of education is grim. 600 teachers in Oakland got pink slipped-that's 1/4 teachers in our district. At our school, decisions have not been made on the status of our school for next year. Where will students go?

In my class, students continue to come and go. I just had another male African American go back to juvenile hall. He chose "the streets" instead of education. Smart young man with what could be a BRIGHT future; I hope someday he finds that bright future. I would like to help him find his path in life but get exhausted by the dis-respect he shows, the language he uses and the choices he makes. Everyday I try to go back and give them endless choices...after all, they deserve an education.

But, is it just that I am the right person at the wrong time? Maybe...maybe they need to utterly fail before they realize what they "gave up"?

In a way, I hope I am the right person at the wrong time. It means at some point in the future, they will find the "right person" that will help them find their way. I want the best for them, I truly do even if I can't help them get there.

Lost in March...

It has been forever since I last posted and I think I am in the groove that teachers like to call "March". I am awaiting spring break because once that comes the school year is all downhill with CST testing and wrapping up the year.

We are just coasting along---have 15 students on my caseload currently (just got another student this week). I see about 12-13 a day depending on attendance. The students are learning, we are reading, writing and learning division (which NONE of them knew!). Although I would LOVE to have an aide (some for behavior help but mostly for small group instruction), the district has not delivered on their promise that I would have one in December.

I should have 4 students graduating in June which I am SO excited about and really working hard to make sure they transition well into what their next steps are.

I am teaching 2 of my sweethearts who are non-readers how to read. It is easier said than done, that is for sure. But I am giving up my prep period to work with them-they have to learn how to read and I have until June 2012 to help them. At nights you can find me reading, finding activities on how to teach young adults the basics of reading.

Education in California is interesting right now. I think I will be the only teacher not to get a pink slip at my school on Tuesday which is really strange. In Oakland, things are messy and it should be interesting to see how it all plays out.

But, I am proud of myself for the work I am doing. I am becoming a better teacher and changing lives in the process. It is tough, tough work each and everyday and exhausting work. These students are needy, but they are also very capable of success. It is showing them the way, giving them the tools so that they can find that success.

Until another day.....

Makes me Happy....

Just a moment in time to remember-that smile keeps me going...

Beautiful

This Is Not a Small Voice

This is not a small voice

you hear this is a large

voice coming out of these cities.

This is the voice of La Tanya.

Kadesha. Shaniqua. This

is the voice of Antoine.

Darryl. Shaquille.

Running over waters

navigating the hallways

of our schools spilling out

on the corners of our cities and

no epitaphs spill out of their river mouths.

This is not a small love

you hear this is a large

love, a passion for kissing learning

on its face.

This is a love that grows the feet with hands

that nourishes, conceives, feels the water sails

mends the children,

folds them inside our history where they

toast more than the flesh

where they suck the bones of the alphabet

and spit out closed vowels.

This is a love colored with iron and lace.

This is a love initialed Black Genius.

This is not a small voice

you hear.

-Sonia Sanchez

Advice from a 40 year teacher veteran

My uncle's Mom gave me teaching advice to always remember as I move forward in my career. I really appreciate her taking the time to support me and remind me of things as I move day to day....

1. When your boss looks good, you look good.

2. Keep your principal informed of all happenings, good and bad. It is always better to hear it from you, rather than a parent.

3. Talk and listen to your students and respond to their feelings.

4. No one said it would be easy to be loving.

5. Always ask for help from other professionals when you need it. You don't have to make choices alone.

6. You don't learn to be a teacher in college, you learn on the job!