Another young life taken too early...

I just found out that today while all teachers were enjoying a taco lunch, a senior was shot on killed while on his way home. It is still unclear whether he was involved in the shoot-out or whether he was an innocent bystander but he is no longer with us. He was set to graduate in 3 weeks; the same graduation that I will be sitting through; the same graduation that C. Jones should have been at but he is also in heaven.

After receiving the news, I then read another article...

http://www.insidebayarea.com/ci_18131550?source=most_viewed

Mixed emotions...mixed feelings....again confirms just how important the work I am doing really is...

You would be proud of me?

A 12th grade student who should be walking the stage June 17th, but will not due to failing his classes said something that will stick in my heart for a long time to come. We were having a conversation as he expressed he was just going to drop out; it went like this:

Me: Do you know what life may be like without a high school diploma? Your options are limited but with a diploma you will have choices.

Student: I am just thinking it is better to drop out.

Me: I don't think you fully understand how excited I get when I think about you and the other students graduating. I imagine you walking the stage, shaking our principal's hand and I get tears in my eyes. I will be in the stands with signs, blow horns, and balloons but more than anything, I stand proud. I will be SO proud of you when you cross that stage.

Student: You would be proud of me?

Me: It would be one of my proudest moments as a teacher. And, I would know that you would leave our school with options. With those options, I know you will be successful. You are capable of so much, but it requires a high school diploma.

Student: You would really be proud of me?

Me: Do you see these tears? (I was crying at this point)...It is because I care so much about you and your future. When your graduation comes, I will be nothing but proud. Believe it-dream of it and picture it because you can do it. It is in your grasp.

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It was one of those conversations that touched me for a couple of reasons...

1) Reminded me just how much I care for these young people.

2) Reminded me that they don't regularly get told they are loved or that people are proud of them. They "want" that affirmation and need it to keep a perspective on life.

Everyone needs to be told they are loved. Everyone needs to be reaffirmed once and awhile. None of us are exempt...it just so happens that the students I work with rarely get told it.

I can't wait for June 17th. I can't wait to see my students, some of the most "at risk" students in Oakland both for where they live and their disability, walk the stage. They are capable of greatness and on June 17th I will be the proudest teacher in the world. I can guarantee that.

Full of smiles...

After what proved to be a challenging week, Friday brought a couple of milestones that will forever remain in my heart and reinvigorate my enthusiasm for why I teach what I do and where I do...

First, last week was "Teacher Appreciation Week" and as a writing assignment in English, the students were instructed to write a letter to the teacher of their choice, but it couldn't be me to appreciate them for the work they do. We worked on it Monday, Wednesday and the final draft was to be written Friday and delivered to the teachers. Well, 3 of my students walked in Friday with 2 letters-one to another teacher and one to me. The 3 letters written to me inspired me to continue working hard to impact not only these student's lives, but their academic achievement. Just a couple sentences from the letters:

"I feel safe in your classroom"

"I like to kick it with you and you give good advice. Thanks for the time you take to teach me reading-it is paying off."

"I know you want me to be the best student, learner and person humanely possible. I am going to try to be that person for you and for myself."

"You are a great teacher with a strict way of putting things, but I respect that."

All 3 letters brought tears to my eyes. It is proof that I am making a difference and at times, I doubt myself.

The second INCREDIBLE news that I received after school on Friday is that 2 of my students passed parts of the CAHSEE (California Exit Exam). Now, I know this might not sound like a big deal but my students typically are not in the range to feasibly pass this test. But, two young men did. One passed the math section and one passed the English test. I am SO proud of these two students and it brought a huge smile to my face all weekend to think just how much this means to the students. Forget the fact that it means I am teaching....this means THE WORLD to the students, for them to feel "normal" within the school, for them to feel that they can in fact learn at the same pace of their peers and that they are capable. I didn't get the chance to tell the students on Friday, but was able to call home and spoke to one father who was just gleaming over the phone. I can't wait to see the students tomorrow and give them a HUGE hug-it makes me smile just to think about it.

So, upward and onward....I think there are 6 weeks left in the school year---never too late to continue making a difference!

Students calling themselves "stupid"...

It breaks my heart. To see anyone especially a young person call themselves "stupid" or dumb...it usually happens as a joke but today this young lady was serious and it broke my heart.

I have gotten two new female students recently. Both nice, mostly respectful young ladies who have not succeeded in school. Both have moved around, have pretty terrible attendance and are very unengaged in school.

One of the girls today refused to do the work in history even when I was working with her 1 v 1 and just kept repeating "I am so dumb. I am stupid-I can't do this. I am stupid." So, we stopped and talked outside....her tears just came coming as I spoke. I reinforced what a brilliant mind she has, the potential she has and cited examples that I have seen in 3 short weeks. I tried as best as possible to build her up so that she could believe what I already know-just what an incredible human being she is. She couldn't stop crying and wouldn't talk to me about it so I asked to give her a hug and we went back to class. It broke my heart because I know there is a LOT MORE she has to say/feel inside.

It makes me wonder if anyone has ever confirmed her brilliance and her talent and her ability. I have no idea what home life is and I don't want to infer. But, something is causing her to call herself stupid over and over again in school.

From there, she just went downhill and had some moderate behavior problems today. She went on to yell at me and tell me that I don't care, I don't care about teaching, listening or anything. I think that not many things deep down get to me, but this did. It was really hard to have her tell me that I don't care. I care more than any of those young people probably realize. I think about the students E.V.E.R.Y single day...I think about what will motivate them, what they need to learn to succeed, opportunities I can provide for them, and just how important my time is for their life.

I can only hope that she will begin to see just how much I care about her and her education.

Beaming....

I only have a couple of minutes before one of my last credential classes, but I wanted to get my feelings on paper because I am really proud of both myself and my students....

I had an IEP meeting today with a senior and it was just great. It was awesome to spend time with her and her Mom, discuss her bright future, be told our school has been a great fit for her (only there for 1 year), and leave the meeting knowing I have made a difference in this young lady's life. Her mental health therapist was also at the meeting and paid me a huge compliment. She said that the program I have built the last two years if by far the best she has seen during her time on our campus. She went on to say that it is evident the students feel safe in here and therefore, are learning more as a result.

Then, in the afternoon I have been pulling two of my students out of their art/music elective class to work on reading. Both are non-readers. I am also learning to teach reading; it is much more difficult than I ever expected. But, during these sessions we work on phonemic awareness, fluency, sight words and then read a play together. Throughout the last 6 weeks, I have seen their confidence grow. They are more willing to try to sound out a word and work together to decode it.....today they told me both they feel GOOD about their reading ability. This is AMAZING to think about. The fact that they both realize their abilities, they are both 17 and can dedicate themselves to becoming better readers is not easy. It is difficult to leave your "pride" at the door and commit to something that has been so frustrating all of your life. After they told me that these sessions are helping their reading and that they notice a difference, we read a play we had already read as I wanted to see their progress. It was incredible to watch them read fluently, not stumble and if they did sound out the word instead of guessing.

My heart filled with pride and excitement for these two young people. I believe that with more time (next school year) I will be able to help these two great students improve their reading so they can be "functional" in the world. I can't wait!

Everyone has their own timeline....

I feel discouraged, sad and upset about the current education system in California. I feel deeply hurt and upset when I think about the status of my school next year. I feel even more disheartened when I think deeply about some of the students I have served who have since left my school. Where are they? Will they ever finish high school?

I just read another teacher's blog and she said something that resonates deeply with me. I feel like I HAVE TO believe in it with my whole heart in order to continue to have the motivation to teach where I do.

"Every student has their own timeline. I might be the right person at the wrong time.Students leave me and I trust that something down the line will pick them up and carry them where they need to go."

I like to think that when students drop out, go to juvenile hall or get kicked out that someone/something down the line will carry them where they need to go. But, in Oakland I just hear so many stories about failure especially when talking about African American stories.

The state of education is grim. 600 teachers in Oakland got pink slipped-that's 1/4 teachers in our district. At our school, decisions have not been made on the status of our school for next year. Where will students go?

In my class, students continue to come and go. I just had another male African American go back to juvenile hall. He chose "the streets" instead of education. Smart young man with what could be a BRIGHT future; I hope someday he finds that bright future. I would like to help him find his path in life but get exhausted by the dis-respect he shows, the language he uses and the choices he makes. Everyday I try to go back and give them endless choices...after all, they deserve an education.

But, is it just that I am the right person at the wrong time? Maybe...maybe they need to utterly fail before they realize what they "gave up"?

In a way, I hope I am the right person at the wrong time. It means at some point in the future, they will find the "right person" that will help them find their way. I want the best for them, I truly do even if I can't help them get there.

Lost in March...

It has been forever since I last posted and I think I am in the groove that teachers like to call "March". I am awaiting spring break because once that comes the school year is all downhill with CST testing and wrapping up the year.

We are just coasting along---have 15 students on my caseload currently (just got another student this week). I see about 12-13 a day depending on attendance. The students are learning, we are reading, writing and learning division (which NONE of them knew!). Although I would LOVE to have an aide (some for behavior help but mostly for small group instruction), the district has not delivered on their promise that I would have one in December.

I should have 4 students graduating in June which I am SO excited about and really working hard to make sure they transition well into what their next steps are.

I am teaching 2 of my sweethearts who are non-readers how to read. It is easier said than done, that is for sure. But I am giving up my prep period to work with them-they have to learn how to read and I have until June 2012 to help them. At nights you can find me reading, finding activities on how to teach young adults the basics of reading.

Education in California is interesting right now. I think I will be the only teacher not to get a pink slip at my school on Tuesday which is really strange. In Oakland, things are messy and it should be interesting to see how it all plays out.

But, I am proud of myself for the work I am doing. I am becoming a better teacher and changing lives in the process. It is tough, tough work each and everyday and exhausting work. These students are needy, but they are also very capable of success. It is showing them the way, giving them the tools so that they can find that success.

Until another day.....