Complex issues....race....community...anger...resources

It all came to a boil at school today where we had a riot that shut down not only school but also our street. I don't care to talk about the details except for that it was between three racial groups of students and it built into many smaller fights throughout the campus. Police came and helped to hold it down in order to get things back under control.

I held it together the majority of the class period even though it was very hard to hear students and see them visibly upset. Engaging them in conversation is so layered---the top layer is related to language use toward one another, but when you dig deeper you see that it is not just about race. It is about a community lacking resources, a community filled with violence, a community losing hope, a community struggling financially. And instead of building that community, today students tore it apart. It got brought onto campus and it was not a good day at school.

Watching students grow more and more upset and then releasing them early from school...missing out on key opportunities to learn...it all just broke my heart.

And then as a school community of adults, we gathered. I listened as we brainstormed a plan for Monday-a plan to support students but also send a clear message. A message about the importance of the classroom, the importance of deep conversation where issues are worked out, a message about consequences so this does not happen again. And I cried....

I cried because I feel like I am on the outside looking into an issue that is foreign to me. Yes, I have been exposed to it in the last three years. Yes, I can listen to the issues and empathize but I cannot fully understand because I am not a part of the issues. I cried because I could see the look of despair on individual faces. I cried because all I want to do is impart knowledge and wisdom on the young people. I cried because I worry that I am failing them because I cannot motivate them to work harder or motivate them to come in early or encourage them to be resilient.

And I walked away and vowed that I would rejuvenate myself over the weekend so I can return Monday with not just a smile, but a vow to do all those things. To work harder than I have worked before, to engage in tough conversations, to motivate them, to teach integrity and resilience and hard work, and most of all to teach them to love. To truly love one another....