Friday, December 14, 2012
A day to weep...
Over 20 children killed at an elementary school in Connecticut by a gunman. Makes me angry and hurt at our collective humanity.....
And I read this and remember also how powerful we can be collectively:
Tonight, we weep together. I saw a friend tonight as we picked up our kids and she looked at me, and the tears came. It is right and good to share our sorrow, to express it. We are correct to mourn for the children of others.
Because all children belong to us. We need to keep feeling, we need to keep weeping. When we cease to cry collectively, that is when the world really will break.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Friday, September 21, 2012
Complex issues....race....community...anger...resources
It all came to a boil at school today where we had a riot that shut down not only school but also our street. I don't care to talk about the details except for that it was between three racial groups of students and it built into many smaller fights throughout the campus. Police came and helped to hold it down in order to get things back under control.
I held it together the majority of the class period even though it was very hard to hear students and see them visibly upset. Engaging them in conversation is so layered---the top layer is related to language use toward one another, but when you dig deeper you see that it is not just about race. It is about a community lacking resources, a community filled with violence, a community losing hope, a community struggling financially. And instead of building that community, today students tore it apart. It got brought onto campus and it was not a good day at school.
Watching students grow more and more upset and then releasing them early from school...missing out on key opportunities to learn...it all just broke my heart.
And then as a school community of adults, we gathered. I listened as we brainstormed a plan for Monday-a plan to support students but also send a clear message. A message about the importance of the classroom, the importance of deep conversation where issues are worked out, a message about consequences so this does not happen again. And I cried....
I cried because I feel like I am on the outside looking into an issue that is foreign to me. Yes, I have been exposed to it in the last three years. Yes, I can listen to the issues and empathize but I cannot fully understand because I am not a part of the issues. I cried because I could see the look of despair on individual faces. I cried because all I want to do is impart knowledge and wisdom on the young people. I cried because I worry that I am failing them because I cannot motivate them to work harder or motivate them to come in early or encourage them to be resilient.
And I walked away and vowed that I would rejuvenate myself over the weekend so I can return Monday with not just a smile, but a vow to do all those things. To work harder than I have worked before, to engage in tough conversations, to motivate them, to teach integrity and resilience and hard work, and most of all to teach them to love. To truly love one another....
I held it together the majority of the class period even though it was very hard to hear students and see them visibly upset. Engaging them in conversation is so layered---the top layer is related to language use toward one another, but when you dig deeper you see that it is not just about race. It is about a community lacking resources, a community filled with violence, a community losing hope, a community struggling financially. And instead of building that community, today students tore it apart. It got brought onto campus and it was not a good day at school.
Watching students grow more and more upset and then releasing them early from school...missing out on key opportunities to learn...it all just broke my heart.
And then as a school community of adults, we gathered. I listened as we brainstormed a plan for Monday-a plan to support students but also send a clear message. A message about the importance of the classroom, the importance of deep conversation where issues are worked out, a message about consequences so this does not happen again. And I cried....
I cried because I feel like I am on the outside looking into an issue that is foreign to me. Yes, I have been exposed to it in the last three years. Yes, I can listen to the issues and empathize but I cannot fully understand because I am not a part of the issues. I cried because I could see the look of despair on individual faces. I cried because all I want to do is impart knowledge and wisdom on the young people. I cried because I worry that I am failing them because I cannot motivate them to work harder or motivate them to come in early or encourage them to be resilient.
And I walked away and vowed that I would rejuvenate myself over the weekend so I can return Monday with not just a smile, but a vow to do all those things. To work harder than I have worked before, to engage in tough conversations, to motivate them, to teach integrity and resilience and hard work, and most of all to teach them to love. To truly love one another....
Monday, September 17, 2012
4 weeks in....reality hits
The "honeymoon" was nice while it lasted. No longer can my smiling face and positive attitude do the trick---relationships need to be solidified, trust needs to be present, and constant love needs to be in the classroom. I was reminded of that today and I lost my patience.
I teach a very tricky class to students whom I don't know all that well. They have all yet to pass the CAHSEE exam in math and thus need to in order to graduate high school. These are all students who are low on self esteem but tend to hide that with laughter, lack of effort and motivation, and a refusal to work in groups.
Today, I lost it in class. A student provided an answer to a math question I had asked and he was wrong. This particular student has a learning disability and I was so proud of him for sharing his answer. Another young lady laughed the moment he said the wrong answer which is the number one rule I am not willing to negotiate on. She could not see what she did wrong and I proceeded to get angry and lecture.
I don't think I handled it well although I do think I proved the point that it is not tolerated in my classroom. I am not willing to give that up as all students deserve an environment where they can take risks in order to learn. But, I don't think I handled the confrontation well and I wasted classroom minutes in the process.
Here's to tomorrow and not letting a student ruin the classroom community that I have built. Here is to these 22 students passing the Math CAHSEE exam in two weeks and continuing to put their best foot forward.
Here is to the "honeymoon" being over and students investing in deep, caring relationship with adults and each other to further the learning process.
I teach a very tricky class to students whom I don't know all that well. They have all yet to pass the CAHSEE exam in math and thus need to in order to graduate high school. These are all students who are low on self esteem but tend to hide that with laughter, lack of effort and motivation, and a refusal to work in groups.
Today, I lost it in class. A student provided an answer to a math question I had asked and he was wrong. This particular student has a learning disability and I was so proud of him for sharing his answer. Another young lady laughed the moment he said the wrong answer which is the number one rule I am not willing to negotiate on. She could not see what she did wrong and I proceeded to get angry and lecture.
I don't think I handled it well although I do think I proved the point that it is not tolerated in my classroom. I am not willing to give that up as all students deserve an environment where they can take risks in order to learn. But, I don't think I handled the confrontation well and I wasted classroom minutes in the process.
Here's to tomorrow and not letting a student ruin the classroom community that I have built. Here is to these 22 students passing the Math CAHSEE exam in two weeks and continuing to put their best foot forward.
Here is to the "honeymoon" being over and students investing in deep, caring relationship with adults and each other to further the learning process.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Three weeks in...
Three weeks in and reality has set in. The work that must be done is apparent; the relationships that must be developed are pressing; the DIRE need of certain students is showing itself. In addition to serving special education students, I am teaching a CAHSEE (California High School Exit Exam) math class for students who have yet to pass. It is a class filled with mostly seniors who have not yet passed a test based on 7-8th grade standards. It is the highlight of my day :)
I LOVE it! These are students who have ALWAYS felt unsuccessful in school but they are total sweethearts and trying so hard. I feel like I am ABLE to make them feel successful, push them and be their cheerleader. They get five opportunities to pass this year and if they don't, they don't graduate. I feel IMMENSE pressure to have them pass and I am doing everything possible to make sure that happens. First test date is in October-we shall see.
Here is to building relationships, being consistent, and building a class where each student pushes each other so that they can get to that diploma; I dream about a class where 100% pass this CAHSEE math and 100% of my special education students graduate....
Pray for me :)
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Leadership..
Leadership is something I have been thinking a lot about as I enter both my fourth year teaching and enter with a desire to do something bigger. This is a GREAT reminder of the small moments that make all the difference...
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Bring on Year #4....
It is hard to believe I am about to start my 4th year of teaching. I report back tomorrow morning and feel a wave of emotions. I am excited, nervous, anxious and scared but am SO excited because it all feels right.
Although I will be teaching at the same school, I am taking on a new role as a resource specialist. It is still working with students with disabilities but more in the general education environment. All students on my caseload are in general education classes and it is my job to ensure they are successful whether that is through co-teaching or small group pull-out. I am really excited to transition into this new role. I think that I will encounter some challenges that will be very different than my challenges the last three years. I am excited to see what is in store for me.
In addition, my school closed. I will be on the same campus, but three schools merged into one. This is an exciting time, but also a challenging one. Look for more on this as time passes in the next couple of weeks. I feel fortunate to be at a school where the possibilities are endless and my professional growth as a teacher leader is valued.
May this year bring much success, laughter, moments of glory, hard work and dedication....May it also bring stories of success for the young people who walk through the doors on August 27th!
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