Such a transitional place

Today was the 1st day back from spring break and although I was a bit anxious and a bit sad that vacation was over, it was REALLY refreshing to see my students this morning. Students who are never on time showed up before the bell rang and it was evident to see that they were excited to be back at school. During journal writing, I saw paragraphs being written about their spring break and they were excited for me to read them. REFRESHING for a change! I had much more patience and enthusiasm in my teaching and energetic about the next 9 weeks....9 weeks to continue pushing, continue changing, and continue educating my students.

A favorite student of mine (one who has come A LONG way from the fall, but still has work to do) had told me 2 weeks ago he might be transferring schools and today his grandma told me she would be moving him to a military charter school in Oakland. I expressed my sadness at this news because he has been able to make a lot of progress since September and the boy has moved schools every single year. I am sad that we worked hard to make progress in the last 9 months, he has found a home in my classroom and has no desire to move schools, but his grandma thinks he needs a man and "more structure". I understand it is her right to move her grandson, but I wish sometimes that we could think about the implications of switching schools every single year. The progress that this student and I have made in his academics and his behavior are INCREDIBLE, but if he moves schools he will have to re-start that progress and that trust that he has been able to build. And, it makes me sad, angry, frustrated for him and his future.

But, alas it is outside my control. I will work with him until June 17th just like every other student in my class. June 17th will be here before I know it and I will have officially completed my 1st year of teaching. What a wild ride it has been with moments of triumph and moments of tragedy. I am sure that will be many more in the next 9 weeks.

In another note, thank you for the outpouring of support, encouragement and love that all my family and friends show me every single day. The gentleman who works with me in the class asked me today what everyone thought of what I was doing in Oakland. I just responded by saying that the number of phone calls, e-mails, cards that I get are WAY MORE than anyone deserves, but that there are times I am not sure I could do without them. This experience has changed my mind and my heart about the inequalities in America especially in education. But, I have vowed to myself to take this experience and these feelings with me every single day in my journey. I will never forget this experience and I cannot wait to add to it!

Staying...

For everyday that my students have tried and tested me, there has been a moment this year that has touched my heart and inspired hope in my soul. This time of year is when people are receiving pink slips, moving, transferring schools and/or giving up teaching as a profession. The students have been constantly asking if I will be back next year, even those who I never thought cared.

A colleague of mine told me something that sums it up:

The students will love you for it even though they have seemingly done everything in their power to drive you out. If you stay, the love they will show will forever leave an imprint in your heart. The students need you to commit to them, to offer them unconditional love and to see through to their success.

And this is why I will choose to stay and teach in Oakland.

Brought me to tears today...

Not many things have brought tears to my eyes, but a student did today. He is my infamous "genius" student who has put in minimal effort, has had attendance and behavior issues and who was pretty close to dropping out. And, then his blood father showed up. For the last 3 weeks, his Dad has been there every day ensuring his son is in class and taking care of business. It has been great to see and it has been paying off. His son has been in class, on time and his behavior has been impeccable.

And, today it came full circle. I had taken this student outside to dicuss a comment that he had made in class. And, I asked him how school has been the last couple of weeks. Here is how the conversation went:

S: School has been fun. It has been cool.
Me: Yeah, how have you felt the last 2 weeks?
S: I like being here and being successful. I can tell you I have been proud of myself for the 1st time in a long time.
Me: Have you told anyone that? I bet you can't tell the "brothers" that.
S: Yeah, I have told no one. But, it is a great feeling. I am proud of myself.
Me: I am proud of you. In the last 3 weeks, you have transformed into a student who I am proud to teach. I haven't known you in that capacity; I have known you as a person, but not as a student. I have been proud to teach you and see you grow the last 3 weeks. It is the best feeling in the world to be proud of yourself. Let it continue
S: Thanks Ms. S. I have really had fun the last 2 weeks.

And, I had tears in my eyes. What a great and incredible feeling for this young man! I hope that he can see the benefit of education and keep this feeling alive for the future. Wow! It was an inspiring 4th period.

And, during 1st period English I had the students write on 20 things that they believe in. I had given them some of my examples such as love, education, myself and God...and to read what they came up with---absolutly incredible. It is something that I hope I can get them to elaborate on in the future.

What a great week in the classroom...some students who I had thought I wouldn't see breakthroughs from are really stepping up and providing hope. I am extremely proud of my students and the progress that some of them have been able to make.

4 more days and then spring break. When we return, we have about 10 weeks to learn the most we can for 2009-2010. We gotta hit it hard!

0% of my students passed the CAHSEE

I am trying not to take it too personally or get down about my teaching but so far, 0% of the students have passed the CAHSEE (California Exit Exam) from my class. Now, I know I have only been there since August and some of these English and Math skills can't be built that quickly but it was extremely hard to tell 2 of my girls that they didn't pass. And the reality is none of my students are EVEN close to passing.

I know that the English portion will be hard for 99% of my students since none of them are reading at the grade level that the test is administered at. But, in math I thought that 2-3 of my students would be close to passing if they didn't pass. And everyday in math I teach to the CAHSEE standards....

So, I will persevere and teach better, more efficiently so that my students CAN pass the CAHSEE.

Urban Prep: 100 percent of Englewood’s Urban Prep Academy for Young Men admitted to college - chicagotribune.com

Urban Prep: 100 percent of Englewood’s Urban Prep Academy for Young Men admitted to college - chicagotribune.com

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This is a dream...one that could be reality in many places, but still a dream...

http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/happynews/ct-met-urban-prep-college-20100305,0,3299917.story

What stood out most for me was this:
"Only 4 percent of this year's senior class read at grade level as freshmen, said Tim King, the school's founder and CEO."

Amazing and incredible and many need to copy what that school is doing.

Human Work

I had a breakdown last Thursday. A kind of breakdown where I am sobbing the moment I try and talk, the breakdown where I am crying right outside of my classroom only to begin class with my students asking me what the problem is, the kind of breakdown where an unforeseen person says something that changes my perspective on the work I am doing....

As I was sobbing and expressing why I was so hurt/upset/angry/frustrated, he calmly told me

Nothing to be embarrassed about, this work is “human work”...it’s about people, relationships, trust, celebrations, mistakes, passion, anger, joy, etc.... It’s deep emotional work...

And I realized just why I was sobbing and that it was okay. It was okay because I care and as long as I care, I am making a difference in my students lives...