What a return to school...

I had a whole 9 days away from my students and enjoyed every single minute of it...I was not ready to return to my classroom, to each of them and was really not ready to teach. But Monday rolled around and 90% of my class was on time to class (a rarity) and we had a good day together...I was surprised how well behaved they were for a Monday especially a Monday after a whole week off.
Then Tuesday came...my aide started in the classroom and what a first day he had. I think we had just about every single student out of the class at one point or another. Their behavior was AWFUL, insulting, dis-respectful...I hadn't seen them like this since September. But, we all got through it and I was glad when 4th period ended....I cried at the end of the day but got ready for today and having a much better day.
Well, I can report that today is a day to remember in my teaching career. It was the first time that I openly wept in front of my students. Again, their behavior was off task, disrespectful towards one another, very little work being completed and defiant of requests. I took a student outside between 2nd and 3rd period to escort him to the office when he started crying because he was so upset about his home life. He didn't go into details but to see this student angry and crying just broke my heart. I went inside the classroom and made my students sit in a circle and gave them a talk for about 30 minutes and that is where I cried. I expressed my frustration at not being able to teach them because of all the bul-shit in the classroom and I expressed how dis-heartened I was that I was not helping them earn a diploma because I was trying to control their actions. I reaffirmed my love for them and let them know that I show up for a reason because I care about every single one of them but that this classroom could not remain how it has been. I was embarrassed that I cried but then again, maybe they needed to see that I am human, that I have feelings and that I truly care about them. Maybe they need a reality check of how I feel as their teacher. I don't know if it had any impact or whether they will think about it when they go home tonight...but it happened and I will never be able to take those tears back.

I also had a very scary moment when a female student stopped responding at the end of class and went limp (we couldn't feel a pulse). I immediately called my principal who called 911 but she was "out" for about 2 minutes and when she became alert again, she was unable to answer any questions. I feel terrible for this girl but she suffers from panic attacks and there is no telling why she gets them or what causes them. I was very very scared and will be following up.

This job has thrown some very trying days in my way...today was no exception.