Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Human Work
I had a breakdown last Thursday. A kind of breakdown where I am sobbing the moment I try and talk, the breakdown where I am crying right outside of my classroom only to begin class with my students asking me what the problem is, the kind of breakdown where an unforeseen person says something that changes my perspective on the work I am doing....
As I was sobbing and expressing why I was so hurt/upset/angry/frustrated, he calmly told me
Nothing to be embarrassed about, this work is “human work”...it’s about people, relationships, trust, celebrations, mistakes, passion, anger, joy, etc.... It’s deep emotional work...
And I realized just why I was sobbing and that it was okay. It was okay because I care and as long as I care, I am making a difference in my students lives...
As I was sobbing and expressing why I was so hurt/upset/angry/frustrated, he calmly told me
Nothing to be embarrassed about, this work is “human work”...it’s about people, relationships, trust, celebrations, mistakes, passion, anger, joy, etc.... It’s deep emotional work...
And I realized just why I was sobbing and that it was okay. It was okay because I care and as long as I care, I am making a difference in my students lives...
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Been M.I.A
I have been M.I.A from this blog which I think may be a sign things are going pretty well...I feel that the more I blog, the more emotion and frustration I have that I need to release. And, although I can't say I am full of emotion and frustration, I have either learned to channel it better or am not trying to internalize that emotion and frustration as much.
My students have stopped coming to class. Yes, my quality students are still there and I LOVE the moments that I get to have them in class, teach them and learn from them. Friday was one of those days that was full of energy, positivism and community. But that is about 50% of my class and the other 50% of class is showing up 3-4 days a week, but sometimes less. Where are they? Is this a reflection of my teaching? Of where we are in the school year? A result of good behavior management and an inability to conform to rules and consequences? Or maybe a combination of all of that.... I have reminded myself to continue praising them, encouraging them and learning from them...but I can't blame myself if they don't show up.
Showing up=succeeding
It is hard to believe that we are almost 2/3 of the way done through the school year. I have learned a lot, grown a lot and reflected a lot. I think that I will do much much more reflecting in the last 1/3 of the school year in order to become better for next year.
I want to give my students the tools to change themselves, their community, and their lives. But, they have to show up and I have to teach them each and every minute. I only have 1/3 of the school year left and we have a lot of work to do.
My students have stopped coming to class. Yes, my quality students are still there and I LOVE the moments that I get to have them in class, teach them and learn from them. Friday was one of those days that was full of energy, positivism and community. But that is about 50% of my class and the other 50% of class is showing up 3-4 days a week, but sometimes less. Where are they? Is this a reflection of my teaching? Of where we are in the school year? A result of good behavior management and an inability to conform to rules and consequences? Or maybe a combination of all of that.... I have reminded myself to continue praising them, encouraging them and learning from them...but I can't blame myself if they don't show up.
Showing up=succeeding
It is hard to believe that we are almost 2/3 of the way done through the school year. I have learned a lot, grown a lot and reflected a lot. I think that I will do much much more reflecting in the last 1/3 of the school year in order to become better for next year.
I want to give my students the tools to change themselves, their community, and their lives. But, they have to show up and I have to teach them each and every minute. I only have 1/3 of the school year left and we have a lot of work to do.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
New Students
I knew this was inevitable...I had gone a long stretch without any new students and we were making GREAT headway in the class. Well, this week I got 2 new male students. And, already we have our work cut out for us....both seem nice enough, but each have their own individual needs and need to be re-trained on what is acceptable and what is not. I am still trying to get a good "read" on both boys, but so far they are harmless enough.
In other news, we are rollin' right along in our lessons. My principal paid me a compliment the other day when he said "Every time I come into your room, you can hear crickets." I think for the environment I am in, it is the biggest compliment I can get. We are doing serious work in there-finally...still have work to do but here is to February 10th....we have 4 months and 8 days left in the school year (don't worry, I am not counting or anything!!!)
In other news, we are rollin' right along in our lessons. My principal paid me a compliment the other day when he said "Every time I come into your room, you can hear crickets." I think for the environment I am in, it is the biggest compliment I can get. We are doing serious work in there-finally...still have work to do but here is to February 10th....we have 4 months and 8 days left in the school year (don't worry, I am not counting or anything!!!)
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
One day at a time
This week marks the end of the 1st semester-wow! We had a different schedule due to finals and so I had my students all day yesterday (8:10-3:10) and all day today (8:10-1:15). It was a challenge and I am pure exhausted after that many hours with them. We didn't have too much trouble until today when I got an education in "roasting", a favorite hobby of some of my male students. "Roasting" is back-and-forth banter with another and it can stay PG or it can get really mean. Today, it got really mean....and out of hand. Yet another incident for this young male student who has yet to be able to control his language, gestures, demeanor and just effort in my room. A 17 year old 9th grader who comes to school every single day, is almost reading at grade level but just cannot produce enough work to pass any class even though he is more than capable. I have tried a million different strategies, and techniques and am STILL trying to make it work but after 90 school days with him....I still haven't found a way.
Can't give up on him-just have to keep working....but in the meantime, we will have a parent-student-teacher-administrator meeting before he is allowed back in the classroom :)
Can't give up on him-just have to keep working....but in the meantime, we will have a parent-student-teacher-administrator meeting before he is allowed back in the classroom :)
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Say, Ask, Be
“Say the change you want to see. Ask the change you want to see. Be the change you want to see.” -Sylvia Martinez
Once I say my thoughts out loud, I need to be willing to ask what needs to be done to accomplish what I want. By asking, I’m taking a risk. I’m taking a risk because there will be others who tell me that it can’t be done or why it shouldn’t be done. I need to be specific with my questions and not ask ones that people can answer with these negatives. I need to ask what steps I need to take to reach this goal. I’m not asking if I should do it or whether it can be done. If it can be put into words, anything is possible.
Once I have said it and asked about it, I need to take action. Talking and discussing will never make anything happen
Sometimes when we push for change, we stand alone, apart from everyone else. Everyone seems to be holding their breath waiting to see if I sink or swim.
Today, I had deep conversations with two of my students; conversations that I will probably remember for days, months and years to come. The first was a result of misbehavior but ended with the student smiling, laughing and understanding where I am coming from. I am trying to get both of us to change so we can get him on track to graduate. The second was an amazingly enlightening and passionate conversation about politics and taxes. It was an extremely adult and mature conversation for this particular student to have and we had a good one hour talk....you can't get that much time very often individually with a student but we had a REAL moment together.
I had read the mentioned quote on another website and it really got me thinking...I am pushing my students to make changes in their lives---mostly in academia. But, it takes a lot for these students to 1) say they are going to change 2) ask questions in class in order to really understand something and 3) live out that change in front of their peers. All this applies in every subject but especially in reading....
Change is hard especially when most of these students are doing it on their own...always have to remember that.
Once I say my thoughts out loud, I need to be willing to ask what needs to be done to accomplish what I want. By asking, I’m taking a risk. I’m taking a risk because there will be others who tell me that it can’t be done or why it shouldn’t be done. I need to be specific with my questions and not ask ones that people can answer with these negatives. I need to ask what steps I need to take to reach this goal. I’m not asking if I should do it or whether it can be done. If it can be put into words, anything is possible.
Once I have said it and asked about it, I need to take action. Talking and discussing will never make anything happen
Sometimes when we push for change, we stand alone, apart from everyone else. Everyone seems to be holding their breath waiting to see if I sink or swim.
Today, I had deep conversations with two of my students; conversations that I will probably remember for days, months and years to come. The first was a result of misbehavior but ended with the student smiling, laughing and understanding where I am coming from. I am trying to get both of us to change so we can get him on track to graduate. The second was an amazingly enlightening and passionate conversation about politics and taxes. It was an extremely adult and mature conversation for this particular student to have and we had a good one hour talk....you can't get that much time very often individually with a student but we had a REAL moment together.
I had read the mentioned quote on another website and it really got me thinking...I am pushing my students to make changes in their lives---mostly in academia. But, it takes a lot for these students to 1) say they are going to change 2) ask questions in class in order to really understand something and 3) live out that change in front of their peers. All this applies in every subject but especially in reading....
Change is hard especially when most of these students are doing it on their own...always have to remember that.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Happy New Year!
It has been awhile since my last post....I had two weeks off for holiday break and it was incredible! It was SO nice to be away from Oakland and my students-made me excited and appreciative of them. The semester ends next Friday-can you believe that I will be 1/2 way through the year?
My classroom experience has gotten exponentially better! The number of severe behavior issues has gone down A LOT which makes teaching more fun and we get to learn more. My aid is fantastic and is able to connect with a couple of the boys that I am not able to build a relationship with. I am not getting as anxious or nervous in the morning when thinking about what may or may not happen that day.
I finally feel like I can wholeheartedly focus on curriculum and my teaching....and improve! I am starting to reflect on my practices to see what I can improve before the next semester begins and making a lot of notes for the future. I want to become a better teacher, with better strategies and methods and I finally feel that now is the time to commit to that.
Oakland is still Oakland-same ol issues (teachers are voting on a strike tomorrow!), attendance is terrible so I am working on different methods to get my students to school and on time, and an abundance of other things. But, I finally feel like I can focus on teaching my students to read, write, calculate math, and so on. Some of my students are making improvements in their reading and writing...we started journal writing where I respond to what they wrote and ask questions and then they respond back to me. I love it and I really think they like it. I have gotten to know my students in a whole different light....
Anyway, Happy New Year! Here is to a fantastic 4 1/2 months left in the school year!
My classroom experience has gotten exponentially better! The number of severe behavior issues has gone down A LOT which makes teaching more fun and we get to learn more. My aid is fantastic and is able to connect with a couple of the boys that I am not able to build a relationship with. I am not getting as anxious or nervous in the morning when thinking about what may or may not happen that day.
I finally feel like I can wholeheartedly focus on curriculum and my teaching....and improve! I am starting to reflect on my practices to see what I can improve before the next semester begins and making a lot of notes for the future. I want to become a better teacher, with better strategies and methods and I finally feel that now is the time to commit to that.
Oakland is still Oakland-same ol issues (teachers are voting on a strike tomorrow!), attendance is terrible so I am working on different methods to get my students to school and on time, and an abundance of other things. But, I finally feel like I can focus on teaching my students to read, write, calculate math, and so on. Some of my students are making improvements in their reading and writing...we started journal writing where I respond to what they wrote and ask questions and then they respond back to me. I love it and I really think they like it. I have gotten to know my students in a whole different light....
Anyway, Happy New Year! Here is to a fantastic 4 1/2 months left in the school year!
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